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I don't think I'm in love with my boyfriend anymore. But I don't want to break up with him because I want to love him again!

Tagged as: Faded love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 August 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 18 June 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I don't think I'm in love with my boyfriend anymore.

I frequently feel very miserable about no logical reason. I've sought professional help for it before, though no-one really takes this problem seriously, I don't think. Anyway, I was feeling down and my boyfriend as he frequently does was asking me what he should do to make me feel better. I told him he couldn't do anything. I often say things I don't mean and get quite frustrated when I'm feeling like this, I don't want to hurt his feelings I just find it hard to think logically when I'm that emotionally charged. And he said, over the phone, that he feels like he's wasting his time with me. And it didn't hurt my feelings. Because I think he's right. I'm always going to feel miserable like this every so often and there's nothing he can do to help me, so he is wasting his time.

Plus I just don't feel in love with him. I do love him. And he's honestly the kindest sweetest person, and he does love me completely. (the comment about wasting his time was just a heat-of-the-moment thing I know) But I just don't feel like I'm in love with him anymore. I'm sure I used to be. We've been going out for over two years. I asked him out because I knew he liked me but was too afraid to ask. I wasn't head-over-heals at the time but I grew to love him. Now it seems I've grown out of love.

I don't want to break up with him because I want to love him again. And also I don't want to hurt him, or loose him as a friend.

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A female reader, lusciousleo86 United States +, writes (18 June 2009):

I don't think I'm in love anymore I have been with my dude for 3 years and I feel so lonely and i can't tell him how i feel because he twist everything i say and comes back with that I'm saying that he's worthless.we constantly argue and i feel that we don't have a connection anymore,besides he is 37 and i am 22 it probably will never work but people always say age ain't nothing but a number but that's not true i am so lonely and bored with him he doesn't do anything to try and excite me, he don't take me out to eat or nothing we are just damaged right now and there's no getting it back.I wanna break up with him but then i really will be lonely an i don't want that what do i do.I'm not benefiting in no kind of way from this relationship.

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A female reader, eurolove United States +, writes (13 October 2008):

eurolove agony auntI suggest you try something different. Take a chance with him and just go and explore theworld . Go to places you never have. If you think thats weird then heey just go all out and maybe u will see that when life is not devoted to material things he will be the only one left there.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008):

Thanks for the advice it has been helpful. Things with him still aren't wonderful but I'm going to see what happens. I'm leaving for university soon so I think being away from him will make things clearer for me. Thanks again.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008):

You must take an inquiry where you accept and confront your most intimate thoughts, memories and emotional belongings and try to understand what is the reason of your love fading.

If these reasons, even remotely, have anything to do with your partner, you must be honest and realise to what extent you have participated in this wrong. For example, your partner repeatedly did something that disturbed you, but you never communicated to him this, misleading him to think he was pleasing you and encouraging him to continue by lack of opposition.

Such can be corrected. If you can't identify the underlying issue though, you can also ask his opinion and ask him to help you by telling you if he realised any change in you or the relationship and what he relates it with. However, if you conclude he has not contributed to this relationship crisis, then the problem is in you and until you solve it, neither this, nor other relationship will be to your liking!

Examine closely, patiently your own thoughts, desires, feelings. Has somebody else attracted your attention? For how long has this feeling persisted? Was it before this relationship even started? Ask yourself what should grow or change for your relationship to work? What do you dislike about it now? Maybe you have distinct goals and wants, or have rushed or maybe indulged in this relationship.

Maybe you are used to please everyone else and forget about your own wants. Take care about the fact that when you don't know what you want, other people's wants can rule the roost due to your lack of resistance. You must know what you want, feel comfortable with what you want (perhaps this is shadowed by a feeling of guilt that your feelings are fading) and speak openly about it and negociate. Maybe you don't know what you want because you haven't exercised doing what you want or you are used to others taking decisions in your stead.

I tend to believe this has to do more with your unresolved issues from the past, rather then the relationship, also because you don't give a clear reasoning that involves him. Maybe a depression stemming from past discontentment that hits you only now. Inquire, help yourself!

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A female reader, Lilly Rose United Kingdom +, writes (27 August 2008):

Lilly Rose agony auntYou can grow to love someone again...you just have to remind yourself why you fell for him in the first place. Its hard when you have been with someone a couple of years to keep the excitement you once had when you first meet someone. Maybe have a break from him and see if that shows you how much you really love him by missing him etc. If you truely want to work at it then you can make it work. Talk to him about how you feel. Then try and do the things with him that make things more exciting for you and where your both happy together!

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