A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've become quite skeptical as far as relationships go. I recently just met a guy. I've actually known him for years but we never connected before. He's about 5 years older than me, I'm not used to dating older men. He's extremely kind and consistent. By consistent I mean that he calls and sends me messages every day. He goes out of his way to see me and it's only been a week since we met. We've already gone out twice. He hasn't tried making a move, a few touches here and there but nothing threatening. My problem (even though it sounds like there shouldn't be one) is that we don't have a ton in common and I'm wondering how people jump into things like that. I'm not saying that you have to hit things off with a bang from the very beginning but I don't see a very strong connection between us. It's very difficult for me to let people into my life so I don't know how to react when someone wants to take a road trip with me in the next month when I almost just met them!Am I thinking too much into it? What are y'all thinking?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 February 2012):
 Ah thanks so much for the update! It helps me see things more clearly and I still stand totally by my feelings… Sounds like you should just go slow and get to know him and see what happens… what is it they say “opposites attract”
IF you are used to and expecting a bumpy relationship, something that goes smooth may feel odd and wrong but to be honest wouldn’t you rather have a smooth easy ride than a bumpy one?
I get the whole exciting thoughts with a bumpy relationship… I have one now and I have always tended to prefer a bumpy ride… but that’s my personality…
The problem will be if there is no chemistry between you two…. But again if there are no red flags and no bumps… and you have no time table… give him time….
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so far guys!
His age doesn't put me off, it's just the fact that things are going smoothly. I'm used to there being a lot more bumps within the first couple of dates and it's weirding me out that there aren't very many. We have some things in common essentially but nothing striking that makes me say "Hey, this guy could be for me."
I told him that I wanted to take a road trip by myself. He asked when I was going (which conflicts with his plans anyway) and said "I wish I could go with you." I think just the idea of him wanting to take a road trip threw me off, it wasn't his idea to take the trip at all.
I guess what I should have said is that I've known of him for years. We've met a few times in the last 7 years but never started a friendship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): As a guy, I'm very suspicious of this man's intentions. There are some positive signs that he's one of the nice guys. However, you've only been seeing him a week and he's suggesting a road trip? Would it involve an overnight stay somewhere?How well do you know him? Have you just seen him off and on for years and never really talked? Or do you both know a lot about each other? Your comment about "I recently just met a guy" is throwing me off, since it contradicts knowing him for years.My analysis is that if he doesn't know you that well then he's basically after sex, and what gives it away is his idea of taking a trip - assuming it involves an overnight. If his intentions were to really get to know you and pursue a real relationship, he wouldn't be in a rush like that. That's the hallmark of a player - be nice initially to win her trust, then isolate the girl to get in her pants.However, if the two of you know each other well, basically you'd already have an established friendship and are just taking things to a new level, then my theory doesn't hold. In that case he could honestly have good intentions.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 February 2012):
He's kind
He's consistent
you have known him for years
he's attentive (sends messages and has daily contact)
goes out of his way to see you
respectful of your physical boundaries (not made a move on you in two dates)
you do not feel threatened by him
(do I have all that right so far?)
you don't have a ton in common.... define a ton... what do you have in common...
why do you have to JUMP into it... why no EASE your way into it and see if anything is there???
is the ONLY thing that puts you off is his 'advanced' age?
5 years at your age is not that much...
my fiance is 13 years younger than I am... we hate each others music. I like to read he does not... I am more social than he is... etc etc etc
lots of differences but many things that do tie us together.
if you are not comfortable taking a road trip with him (is this a day trip or an overnight trip) then tell him so and tell him you need more time to get to know him....
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