A
female
age
51-59,
*razyMNG
writes:Split up with my husband almost a year ago after 16 years of marriage, met this guy who is 20 years senior and whom has a partner of 4 years. At the beginning it was nothing serious and I appreciated the attention I got from this very wrong relationship (or affair I should say)! As the time goes by, both of us started to develop feeling towards each other. But I’ve never asked him to leave his partner or suggested anything like this kind as I know I’m wrong to be with this man and I don’t want to hurt anyone!I wanted to finish with this guy about few weeks ago when he went on a holiday with his partner, so I didn’t respond to any of his emails/texts while he’s away, I thought leave him alone to get back to his partner and let myself out of this mess. But life has played a joke on me, recently I had an operation and the drugs I was taking must have interfered with the contraceptive pill that I was on, I am almost 7 weeks pregnant now!!!My first reaction was to have the termination ASAP as I have 2 girls in their teens, and I didn’t want to have any more children as I’m reaching 38. Also I was going to finish this affair with this guy. So I told this guy about my pregnancy and the decision I made. However, after taking a couple of days to think things through, my initial decision was weakening as I really can’t bring myself to face the abortion. I really love my 2 girls and they love me too, so even the thought of having abortion makes me feel like killing one of my girls. I discussed my situation with this guy, and his answer is that he’s never thought he would father a child despite wanting to be a father when he was in his 30s or 40s. But now he felt that he’s too old to be a father and it’s not fair on the child to have a father at his age. So he wants me to abort this pregnancy but he does not want to lose me! But he said if I continue with this pregnancy, I’m pushing him away but really he has no choice over whether I keep this baby or not. I’m a very proud person, hating myself to be involved with this guy in this circumstance despite my strong feelings for him. So if I decide to keep this baby, I’ll have to bring this baby up on my own and restart again at the age of 38. I really don’t know whether I still have the strength or not. Especially I have just got myself back into work which I can progress it into a proper career after caring for my 2 girls. Really confused and a decision need to be made sooner!!! Any advice or experience to be shared with will be very much appreciated!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 Go to a Planned Parenthood, or make an appointment with your family doctor, and discuss all of the medical, psychological and financial ins and outs of pregnancy at your age. You've already raised two children so you're pretty familiar with the whole process I imagine but it's a different story as you get older; it becomes more difficult in many ways (though easier in many ways as well, as you probably have more money).
As for the father, I wouldn't let him weigh too heavily on your decision. You said you wanted to be through with him anyway so if it takes a pregnancy to get rid of him, so be it. I hope you have enough money to support the child without his child support though, as it doesn't really seem fair to force him into being a father given the circumstances.
As for abortion, it's a good decision for some women, I've never met one who regretted it, but I have also met loads of women who are against it. So it's a matter of deciding yourself where you stand, whether it's a good choice for you. Abortion is certainly the easiest and least complicated solution- don't dismiss it because it feels like a cop out, there are very few life scenarios where quick fixes are available, but fortunately for you, there IS quick fix available for your situation if you are open to having it. People will say you're a coward, that you're irresponsible but sometimes the most difficult path (in your case keeping and raising the baby as a single 38 year old mother) isn't the most noble.
In the end it is your body, your choice. I'm sure that raising your daughters gave you lots of joy, and you might consider this an opportunity to have the same joy all over again. (How will you explain the pregnancy to your friends and family, I wonder? Think about that one too). Don't get an abortion because your married lover told you too. If it's something that you haven't decided on for yourself then you'll probably regret it one day. Ignore him altogether and decide for yourself. Weigh the pros and cons of all your options. There's always adoption, as well, though I don't know much about that, but it's worth considering as a compromise between keeping it and aborting it.
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