A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am writing to all of you because I need a little help diagnosing a problem I think I have. My problem is that I form attachments to men that are in one way or another unattainable and in one way or another make me feel horrible about myself.I am 23 years old and am constantly told by others that I am very pretty and I should have a boyfriend. (Mind you this is just what others tell me, not what I go around thinking about myself). In the past few years I have been attracted to two men only. The first one, call him Harry, was an older, intelligent and very successful man. I thought that we had a lot in common and the fact that he was older made him more secure and mature. But through the course of 2 years he only played mind games with me. Letting me believe I was special to him and that he wanted a relationship with me and then not writing or telephoning for months at a time. Not answering emails. Just giving me the silent treatment. Then finally, I found out that he got a girl he was seeing pregnant and that he gone around telling people that we know that I was madly in love with him and that he didn't know what to do about it.My self worth was tarnished. First I felt neglected, betrayed and then very very stupid for ever thinking he was the special guy I could really share my life with.The second guy, call him Eddie, is the guy that I am interested in now. He, again, is very very smart, accomplished, and appears to be kind and considerate. Sometimes I get the feeling he might be attracted to me and other times like he could not care less. Due to my bad experiences and being jerked around so often, I am very quick to put up my guard and try to write him off. But I don't know if I should. How much of a chance should I give him? (P.S. he is sort of a superior in my place of work, not the boss but someone who works above me)In a nutshell: I don't know why I can't find a guy who wants to be with me. I think to myself, "Am I really that unlovable? What's wrong with me!!??". I feel horrible most of the time like I will never be enough. I feel like I don't have the strength for any more rejection or heartache.I don't know how to change my opinion or my luck. I need that from you guys.Please help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): Thanks everyone for your input. It is a lonely world out there and sometimes it seems like we would do better to just ignore our impulses. However, I really want to have faith that there is a guy for me out there, somewhere, who will want to be with me and I with him.
As for Eddie, I am going to just give it time and not press the matter. If it is natural to happen then it will.
As for you guys out there that are in my shoes. I really feel for you too. I think we have to forget all the people that have hurt or disappointed us to really allow ourselves to be available to the wonderful opportunities that are out there.
Thanks everyone! Lots of love. xoxo
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2009): Maybe its time you look at other men then the ones you usually go for. Take a chance. Live and take some risks. You may not fall in love, but love strikes when you least expect it. From the sounds of it, you should forget about those two men you described. If they were into you you'd know. A man who loves you will let you know and leave no doubt in your heart.
Have fun, you're still young! There's plenty of men to meet! Plenty of love to go around, when you find a special guy, or maybe he finds you? Maybe you already met him but you keep looking in the wrong direction?
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 September 2009):
First of all there isn't anyting wrong with you. So don't think that.
Secondly, there are a lot of office romances that can go wrong, so think extremely carefully before approaching 'Eddie'. You might be better joining a class (dance), or something where you will be around more than just work colleagues. You can tell men from their hobbies. It's more difficult to tell a man just from his work. Find a man who shares the same interests as you and such. Take it from there. Not all guys are bad, and not all will hurt you. but sometimes you just have to be brave. Lots of luck. x
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