A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I'm 20 years old and currently in college. Back in high school I had a big close group of friends that I did everything with. When we finished school they all moved away for university and 4 of us stayed and got jobs. That was in 2007. For the next 3 years one got pregnant, the other moved away with her boyfriend and so me and the last one became the best of friends doing everything together.I worked and had work friends, then i traveled for a year on my own but my best friend always supported me and we'd talk on the phone for ages whilst i was away. I returned and started college but me and my best friend were still fine, but gradually she began to ring or text me a lot less and to the point where now I'm lucky if I can get in contact with her once a week. She acts normal when she does ring but if I see her out with her other friends, she ignores me.Its got to the point where I realize I have no friends. My brother's girlfriend and me have grown very close and do a lot together but she is almost 27 and has 2 children so she isn't always available to do stuff. My cousin has felt sympathetic and let me hang out with her and her friends, but they are HER friends, not mine. In college my 'friends' are roughly 16-17 and therefore we have nothing in common. And I've noticed I'm craving a boyfriend, probably just for the company.Having friends is like having a backbone, without it, you're f***ed. and I now cry myself to sleep and sit at home alone because I have nobody. I get told to get a job and form new friends through work, so I've started to job hunt. I'm dreading the summer when everyone else is out doing things. Also its my 21st at the end of the year and my dad has offered to pay for me and a friend to go to Vegas. Problem is I don't have a friend!!!I really need some advice... because I'm getting so down about this. :(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): Hi there,At various points in people's lives they just branch off for different things. They will leave for college, they may meet the love of their lives, get married, move for their careers, decide to travel the world, and a host of other reasons I can not think of. The fact is that friends will come and go in your life. Distance or changes in lifestyle will cause you to grow apart from your friends. I had a best friend in school who I thought I would always be in contact with but since we left for univeristy we grew so apart that I don't even know which part of the country he lives in or even his phone number. It just part of life... We all choose slighty different paths in our lives and often it may not be in the same direction as your existing group of friends.On feeling lonely and needing company, there are things that might help you. First of all, I think you need to think about why you feel so sad at the thought of being on your own that you cry yourself to sleep. I don't know what other people think but I believe that you firstly need to be happy with yourself and confident that you are fine on your own. It is always nicer to have some friends that you can hang out with and moan about stuff with but you also need to be happy in yourself. I find that relying on other people for your own happiness is always a bit fickle. You must have some other aims in your life. For example, what do you want to do in your career? or are there other things you would like to do such as travelling etc?To help you get out there and meet some new people try joining some sports clubs or other types of hobbies which you are genuinely interested in. Try that martial arts class that you always wanted to check out or that pilates class that you've been curious about. Quite often some of these clubs and societies will also have the occasional social thing after the class or at special times like Christmas where you can get to know other people from the club/organisation a bit better. Don't put too much pressure on yourself about having to find a new best friend etc. If you do then you may come across as a bit desperate or a bit needy which very often puts people off. If you don't have the money to spend on expensive sports clubs and societies then consider volunteering - from your post it sounds like you have a lot of spare time on your hands may as well make use of it and keep yourself busy. I think that actually sums up how best to deal with your situation...Just keep busy with various new activities that interest you. You should just meet new people naturally this way. Some may become friends and some may not but at least you are out there doing stuff you enjoy.Best of luck to you.
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