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I don't get aroused just from looking at women I need them to touch me, am I gay?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 August 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 21 March 2011)
A male United States age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Hi I am just looking for some feedback to see if I'm normal or if I should be concerned.

Looking at a woman doesn't get me hard, if we kiss or if she gives me a massage or something, then I get hard. Just looking at them walking down the street though, doesn't really arouse me, even if she is pretty. Porn doesn't arouse me, unless I touch myself, otherwise I don't get hard. I'm not attracted to men and I don't get hard from them at all. Some of my friends seem to get hard just from looking at a naked woman, even in a movie, whereas for me I need physical stimulation. They always say how this girl gave them a boner or something just from bending over but for me it does not arouse me... or make me hard, am I gay??

I have had sex, but only with one girl, and I enjoyed it a lot but I don't get hard just from looking at her, she made me hard when she put my hand on her breasts.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011):

Thank you for posting this question because I feel almost the same way that you do. I have had sex with a few women and I really enjoyed it but yet whenever I watched porn I couldn't get a hard on with out touching myself, and I thought maybe there was something wrong with me psychologically but it turns out that I am "normal". Seeing someone naked just doesn't do it for me, but a woman touching me on the hand, arm, leg, wherever and I'm soon "ready to go".

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A female reader, Oregongrl1 United States +, writes (12 August 2010):

If you have to question yourself about being gay! it could be a possibility because it has crossed your mind! i knew men that it had to be one on one contact to get them aroused. to me thats a real man. who has to be touching a womans skin or body part to get that chemical reaction. all good!

Good Luck!

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (12 August 2010):

Moo's Mum agony auntHey dude you are completely normal. Some people get turned on by the weirdest things that the rest of us find strange so we are all different. There is nothing wrong with you my friend. Rest easy.

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A male reader, heartfullalove Ireland +, writes (12 August 2010):

heartfullalove agony auntIf kissing women or touching/being touched by women gets you hard, you are definitely not exclusively gay, you're either hetero or bi. And if you're not attracted to men at all and don't get hard from them, you're clearly not gay or bi at all, you're a heterosexual male. This would seem to be confirmed by the fact that the one time you've had sex, it was with a girl and you enjoyed it. You got a boner when she put your hands on your breasts. Wonderful. Lucky you, lucky her.

If you don't get hard-ons while watching porno with your immature mates, good for you. It suggests you're slightly higher-minded than they are, in a good way. I'm guessing a beautiful female face in a French black-and-white movie does more for you than a dull blonde bimbo in a horrible porno bending over for a roasting while your mates go 'PHWOARR!'. Again, good for you. It doesn't make you in any way sexually deficient. And it definitely doesn't make you gay. Believe me, if you had sexual feelings for men, you'd know all about it by the age of 16-17.

Nor would I be worried about the fact that you don't get great big raging hard-ons from the mere sight of a sexually appealing female walking down the street. This is what separates man from beast, and the line can get somewhat blurred in most young hetero males.

I bet you smart, sweet girls (assuming you can find any, but that's a whole other debate) will be far more keen to spend quality time with you than with the sort of boneheads who would whack off to a porno and then have no gas left in the tank for a real-life deal with a real-life girl. So you don't instantly rush to erection at the sight of a sexy girl, and maybe need a bit of slow intimate time before it happens for you. Again, good for you. You're not in a race.

You are totally A1 and have nothing to be concerned about. Best of luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010):

As a woman, I have found some guys are very visual, others are not. Some guys are turned on by words... a mere idea of sex. We are all different, and you sound entirely normal. Personally, I am more likely to get wet by what a guy says or writes than what he looks like.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010):

no, you dont sound gay at all, you sound like you say, like you nee dphysical stimulation to become fully aroused! This is obviously just normal for you. Im a girl, so i dont get erections, but I dont get wet wihtout some form of physical stimulation either! Im sure its normal! :)

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