A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is there even a glimmer of hope?I have completely lost interest in my partner. This didnt happen overnight it after a horrible past 2 yrs where every possible nightmare happened. He went overseas for work, i got pregnant, we had financial constraints, i started working long hours...We ve had countless disagreements to the point that i have forgetten what got me attracted to him in the first place. I have started cringing when he attempts to get intimate, have tried to stay in the relationship for my baby but have lost all hope. Is this the end? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 October 2007):
 Do you know that relationships don't run on autopilot, they do take work. It's like driving a car, keep your foot on the break, you're not going very far.
Boy it sounds like you had a rough two years. I could see with that much stress how your brain tries to pack it's bags and escape that much stress. We are designed to handle stress, release it to leave room for the next bit. When it all hits at once, we become overwhelmed and overloaded, then it's time to escape. It's called "fight or flight." When this happens, like with you, and you're brain becomes overwhelmed and since it's not really capable of climbing out of you and running, where do you think the overloaded stress gets placed? It gets placed on everything and anything that it knows is in our environment, especially relationships. Even though your relationship is not directly related to the 2 year issues, the stress attached itself to the relationship so as far as "fight or flight" your brain can't tell the difference.
So with this we begin giving up on whatever our stress attached its self too. So instead of taking control of our direction, we allow life to control us. You and your partner have the power to direct your relationship where you want it to go.
This is also where we say "i don't know why i got with him in the first place." Think about it, there is a reason. He didn't just follow you home like a lost puppy.
I hope this helped a bit in explaining how these feelings take place.
A
female
reader, JackieR  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 Once you have started to get that 'cringe' feeling, yes in my opinion, that is the kiss of death to the relationship. Just because he fathered your child, doesn't mean you have to put yourself through hell staying and maintaning a relationship if your heart is not in it anymore. It is not fair to him or your child, believe me when your child is old enough he/she will pick up any bad vibes between you both, is that what you want? Yes you will feel guilty if you make the break now but if it is the right choice then those feelings will go away, as long as your child has proper access to both parents, then it can turn out to be a win win situation.
Ask yourself this, how do you really feel about spending the rest of your life with your partner, now listen to your gut reaction, and then make your choice, only you know the answer.
You have to be totally fair on your partner, if you really don't love him anymore, do the brave thing and let him go, he doesn't deserve being in a relationship that his partner is cringing when he comes near!! How would you feel??
At least have a cooling off period this will help you to arrive at a decision that is best for everyone in the long term.
Your child has to come first, if you pair stay together the way things have been, is that the correct environment to bring he/she up in??
Remember children need happy parents whether they are together or not!! Be brave and make the right decision.
Good luck.
...............................
|
