A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupidNy husband of 2 years would not listen when I try to tell him when something he does bothers me, but he does tell me all the time what I do right and wrong. Its double standards and when I try to tell him that, he would not listen. He gets defensive and blame everything on me.I do not know how to communicate with him anymore, pls help me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2019): Just tell him you're not going to stop doing the annoying things he doesn't like; until he starts showing you respect as a woman, and his mate! If he wants to see worse, keep being the lover-boy that he is!!!
When he starts complaining, stop him in his tracks..."Excuse me?!!" "Are you complaining about something I do or say that annoys you? I'll tell you what, I'll trade this for that!" As the over-popular and overused term goes: "Quid Pro Quo!" "Do me a favor though..."
You and your hubby have to learn to compromise and communicate.
Here's a little education on men.
Women tend to seek very macho-aggressive bull-headed types of men; assuming it's manly, and they will fight and make them feel safe. By the same token, these extra-butch macho-men pick prissy super-feminine passive-females they can boss-around. These guys only respect what can push-back or hit harder! No, you can't change him, that's why he chose you! Speaking figuratively, not directly at you!
Those brutes don't care about your "feelings" and they don't discuss "relationship-problems;" because their ears are overflowing and spewing fountains of testosterone. You want a man who is fair and listens; choose a guy who shows respect for women, knows he's a man, and masculine enough he doesn't have to overemphasize to the world he was born with a penis and testicles. It's overcompensating for a tiny-dick (insecureness); and I never liked that annoying John Wayne image of a man; nor some girly-man who denies he's gay! Just be real! If you're masculine, you're masculine...enough is all it takes! Just be a guy! Disrespecting and bullying women doesn't make you manly, it makes you a misogynist! A jerk with parents who should be ashamed of how they raised you! Better yet, they both should have been sterilized before breeding you! What's wrong with being a good-man, loving-father, and an outstanding-husband? Kind and considerate! If you snag a good-woman, that's what she deserves! You snag a loser, better luck next time!
These are things couples sit-down to iron-out between them; to create peace and harmony in their lovenest. One-day, ask him to make a list of things he wants you to work-on that he feels will improve the marriage. Then you do the same. Take them seriously, and try to comply. With love, not resentment!
Don't pull that crap where he tells you what he thinks or feels; and it becomes an attack on your self-esteem, and you throw him on a guilt-trip!!! Hypocrisy isn't fair! Toughen-up, and take a hint! If you have an ever-growing laundry list of how he annoys you; don't suddenly become a victim when you see how annoying you are to him! Make it fun, but serious. The objective is to show love, and make each other happy! Try to be open-minded, and fair. Make your rules and guidelines. Respect each other's feelings! No hitting below the belt; or disguising insults for constructive-criticism. That's where people don't play fair. They want to complain, but can't take what they dish-out! They want a chance to vent all their frustrations and pet-peeves; but take offense when it comes-back at them! If things get heated, STOP! Pick it up another time! Kiss, make up, and DROP-IT!
You're still newly-weds, learning and growing together.
You can't be timid, passive, mealy-mouthed, or an annoying constant-nag; and expect to get a man to listen to you! That shrilly nasally high-pitched monotone-voice that curdles the blood! If you're whiny and repetitive, he'll grow deaf and immune to your voice. Be decisive, direct, have a sense of humor, and insist that you be listened to; or you won't listen nor cooperate with a one-sided brute! If things don't balance-out, they'll break and end! If he wants a happy-wife, he has to be a good-husband, and vice versa.
Have a Happy and Safe Holiday Season!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2019): You have to tell him : "We can't go on like this! I love you but you never listen to me!" If he takes over the conversation to tell you how wonderful he is then you know that he could be a narcissist believing that he is the best thing since sliced bread and the sun shines out of his ass.He will carry on convincing you of his desirability for at least half an hour and then go off to do his own thing or suggest a quick bunk up while his ego is high.If he totally ignores you and asks where the remote is, then you can assume that he had got so settled that he views you as a non talking house mate.You can discover what makes him tick but if he is an alpha male caveman he will not be interested in making conversation.He will feel he has done his bit in getting you to marry him and once more you will be expected to conform to his ideals whilst totally ignoring you on anything more than a superficial level.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2019): You have to tell him : "We can't go on like this! I love you but you never listen to me!" If he takes over the conversation to tell you how wonderful he is then you know that he could be a narcissist believing that he is the best thing since sliced bread and the sun shines out of his ass.He will carry on convincing you of his desirability for at least half an hour and then go off to do his own thing or suggest a quick bunk up while his ego is high.If he totally ignores you and asks where the remote is, then you can assume that he had got so settled that he views you as a non talking house mate.You can discover what makes him tick but if he is an alpha male caveman he will not be interested in making conversation.He will feel he has done his bit in getting you to marry him and once more you will be expected to conform to his ideals whilst totally ignoring you on anything more than a superficial level.
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