A
female
age
41-50,
*arah777
writes:Hi everyone... I want to know your opinion about my situation. I've had a boyfriend for 4 years. He has always been loving and sensitive, but since last year he has had a strange behaviour, he is more emotionally detached and I've began to think he has an affair with another woman. I'm so suspicious that I've started to spy his pc through a system which a foun on Endoacustica, an Italian site. They have helped me to discover all his conversations with another woman. It's very hard for me to accept it all. I don't know what to do. Should I talk to him or should I leave him without axplanation?
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female
reader, sarah777 +, writes (29 June 2012):
sarah777 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn the end I decided to talk with him. He obviously tried to hide the fact he had "hot" conversations with another woman and he really got very angry when I told him I spied his pc. I do not know how to deal with this situation. I have to think twice ... I do not know if it will go ahead this way. I think I will leave him... in my opinion "once a cheater, always a cheater"...
A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 You have a right to know what's been going on, and what his reasons are for it. If you want to know, and want to try to fix your relationship and move forward, together, you two should have a talk.
There's a chance he may not be honest with you about these conversations. There's a chance he'll be angry. There's a chance you just wont get any answers at all!
At the end of the day, do you want to be with this person? Would you be able to stay with him, and move past what he has done?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 Boils down to whether you interpret 'talking' as cheating.
Talking can lead to phone convos and texting, then onto meeting (with the assumption that nothing will happen) then onto having no strings sex or even falling in love and moving on.
You have caught him in the early stages so it's reasonable to assume nothing else has happened (physical)yet.
He will probably justify it as 'Just talking' He may get angry that you have caught him out or that you have been 'spying'...but you have to go with how you feel and it's a sure fire bet that even him talking to this other woman has damaged the trust.
Running and not confronting it doesn't give him the chance to redeem himself and put things right. You also have no way of knowing if the 'talking' will truly stop so you will always be watching your proverbial back!!
Talk to him. Tell him you see it as a breech of trust and ask him if it's time to end the relationship...see what he says...if he appears flaky or non committal with his answers then it's probably fair to assume that there is more going on.
Boils down to who he values more, her or you but you are still entitled to say
'Hey we are in a relationship of two...three is going to destroy it...is that what you want?'
Talk to him, see what he says.
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