A
female
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*ush123
writes:I split up with my ex nearly four months ago. Since then I have seen him three times. He txtd me three days before my birthday a few weeks ago to tell me he was in town. I thought he had just done this to make me jealous as I had not heard from him for a month! So I did not tx back. Three days later (my birthday), i txtd back to say hi just to see if he would reply. He did - an hour later. I told him I would ask him to come out for my birthday but that it would probably not be a good idea as it was only going to be a few of my mates and he had told me he only wanted to see me in a big group.Then later on, he showed up at the pub. He had made a real effort with his appearance (he looked GORGEOUS). I went over to him and said hi and made a joke about him meeting some other girl. He looked at me as if I was weird and told me he was there for my birthday. I was really confused as I hadn't asked him to come out. But then when I took him to the table where I was sitting with my friend, he looked really annoyed. I couldn't understand why. The whole time he was there, he kept asking me questions like how long I had been there and he even asked where my other friend had gone (there were no other friends there and there never had been so i was really confused). At the end of the night, he gave me a lift home and we sat outside my house in his car talking for a couple of hours. We seemed to be getting on really well. (I had no intention of getting back with him by the way). He then started asking me if I knew who had asked him to come out for my birthday. Of course I didn't! But then I worked out that it was another mate of mine who had left his mobile with me earlier that night - dunno why!But then I realised it was a set-up! My other mate had given me his mobile so I would meet my ex at the pub. My ex then thought I'd set it up to see him again! I was totally innocent! He started getting really mad at me! I couldn't understand it - we were chatting away and getting along really well a few minutes before and then he accused me of setting him up!But just before I got out of his car to go home, we hugged and he said he hoped Id had a good birthday (which I obviously hadn't after that hapened!). I txtd him the next day to say thanx for coming out and everything - bad idea - he obviously thought i'd got wrong end of stick on the night of my bday when he hugged me or sumfin! He never replied. The friend that had got my ex to come out txtd him and my ex replied to HIS messages telling him he knew he'd been set up! My friend had told him I had a new boyfriend (which was not true) and I think this made my ex jealous because my friend told me that when he had asked my ex to come out my ex asked who Jamie (name changed) was. I also found out that my friend had told my ex I was having a surprise party and all me mates were gonna be there!My friend lied to my ex to get him to come out. I did not think my ex was talking to me before I saw him on my birthday so am thinking that it is partly because he had been told that I had a new boyfriend and jealousy kicked in that he came out????Now he doesn't want to talk to me again because he thinks I set him up - I was quite happy talking to him as a friend on my birthday and if Id known he was talking to me (which he probably wouldn't have been if a new boyfriend had not been mentioned) would have invited him to my birthday. He told me he wass annoyed I hadn't asked him myself but can he really blame me, considering I didn't think he was talking to me? I am not asking for advice on how to get him back, I don't want him back, I just want to know how I can get him to realise that I never set him up. I want him to talk to me again. All the feelings I had for him all came flooding back on my birthday when he showed up and that was one reason I didnt wana see him on my bday as I knew (or thought) he didn't want ME back! He has asked me to leave him alone. He asked why I cant and I made the mistake of telling him its because I still like him. He has called me several really harsh names via tx msg just bcos I txd him apologising for what happened on my birthday - even tho wasnt my fault. When I told him i still liked him, I told him that was why i never asked him to come out for my birthday so that then he might understand. But he never tx back. I have tx him a few times since and he is ignorin me! I have not txtd him for a couple days now. I just want him to stop being really annoyed with me - IM nOT TRYING TO GET BACK WITH HIM AND WISH HE WOULD STOP THINKIN I AM! Please help... he wont answer my txs. however, i have not called him at all because its very likely he wont answer. How could i have hurt him? I also did make the mistake of reminding him he hadnt spoken to me for a month when he took me home and I said I was surprised he showed up on my bday bcos of this. Think I kinda kicked meself in the teeth there bcos thats like telling him I wish he hadn't suddenly started talking to me again! I really would like him to talk to me again. He has hurt me by turning up on my bday when i had told him i didnt want him there bcos i nu it would bring back all the old memories but my friend set me up and he came out - all dressed up 2! I can't get it out of my head!Please help - shall i leave it a while and try contacting him again? Or shall i try and make him jealous as it obviously worked when my friend told him i had new boyfriend (which was not tru but my ex did not no that until he came out). I really do not think he would have come out if id asked him myself. Please help!
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female
reader, missbunbury +, writes (8 March 2006):
 Seriously, it sounds as if you're not quite being honest with yourself here. Why are you texting him all the time, even after he's asked you to leave him alone? The whole pub story is very confusing, but it sounds to me as if he feels utterly messed with, and I can't blame him - whoever it was who invited him was clearly trying to play a game, and the fact that you had the phone in question is bound to look suspicious.
You say you don't know how you've hurt him - well, to be honest, it doesn't sound like he's all that hurt, it sounds like he's fed up of being messed around by you and your friends. He was expecting a big party that night, and found instead that he'd been lied to - he probably felt humiliated in front of the other people in the pub, and embarrassed to think that he'd been tricked into seeing you. You're also assuming he's jealous of your made-up 'new man', but again it's probably more that he's annoyed - maybe he was pleased to hear you had a new man, and then shocked to find it was all a lie? You admit that you still like him, and you're clearly obsessing over every little thing he says to you - I'm not surprised he's trying to take a step back. The best thing for you to do right now is to accept that being friends isn't always an option in the months right after a break-up - at this point, you need to stop contacting him and stop thinking about him. At the same time you should make it clear to your friends that you don't need the drama of all this plotting and scheming. Maybe in the future, when you actually are over him, you'll be able to be friends - but right now, you're just causing yourself pain.
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