A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently joined a new college last september and have been going out a boy who i met there for 3 months now. I love him so soo much and i know he loves me back and he never gives me any reason to be jealous of his ex/s or anything.. but still i have this constant worry in the back of mind that ill never be as good as his ex, never be as pretty, though he's even told me i'm the most beautiful girl he's ever known!thing is, he still has pictures of her [quite a few] on his computer and his desk, still talks to her etc. But also, he never actually went out with her, but from what ive heard from other people and him also, he completely adored her for yeeears [as they've known each other quite a while] he's quite a jealous person as well, hes admitedly been jealous of some of my ex partners [though he was my first proper boyfriend] but hes always gotten over it. but i simply can't, i can't get this nagging feeling out of my head that somewhere deep inside him he still likes her. she rejected him at first when he asked her out, then wanted to get with him then didnt! my boyfriend even told me the only reason he went back to college for the new year was because of her! but then he met me, and things changed apparently..please someone advise me on what i should do, he knows im slightly jealous of her, but he doesnt know how so very hard it is if i ever see them together or even if i just see her face. i feel i can't compete with someone hes known/liked for years.am i being unreasonable?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): No you are not being unreasonable. I personally don't think he should be having much contact with her, if at all, out of respect for you. But here's the thing and I think here is the real issue. You both are very young. (I am assuming he is your age too). And I know at that age, my self and my boyfriends didn't really know alot about certain "rules" in relationships that are really the right thing to do, if you want it to last. (But again, at that age, kids aren't really thinking about it "lasting" or about marriage, that's why these "rules" aren't that important). When I was that age, I had boyfriends and I probably didn't treat them as well as I would treat a boyfriend now. Not because I didn't care or I didn't love him, but because I was immature and genuinely didn't know any better. When I was that age, sure I thought I was old and knew it all but looking back, I was nothing but a kid. I didn't know how to treat a boyfriend in the way I do now. Maybe I myself would have been in contact with an ex or kept a bunch of photos without realising how it would hurt my boyfriend. Or I too would have not known how to react to a boyfriend who was still in contact with his ex. I probably would have just tried to be open minded or give him the benefit of the doubt. And if the tables were turned, he might do the same. Because you both are young and don't know how to react to this type of stuff. But knowing what I know now, (I'm 27), if I were dating a guy who, even after we had declared our love for each other, was still in contact with the ex and had pictures of her all over the place, I would never talk to him again. Its disrespectful and it is not a normal reaction for a guy who supposedly loves you. That's my opinion. BUT AT YOUR AGE, I really honestly account his actions to immaturity and him genuinely not really knowing any better. But I don't see anything wrong with you standing up for yourself no matter what age you are. Just because he might be immature does not mean that you should tolerate it. The sooner in life you learn to stand up for what you believe and what you think you deserve, the better off you'll be.
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