A
female
age
30-35,
*jboo89
writes:ive been with my boyfriend now for 6 months and around 4 months ago i cheated on him which is the biggest mistake have ever made. we worked through it and he moved in, but i have become very paranoid and feel like i am suffocating him, i dont know what to do and im driving myself and him crazy with it. would really love some advice, thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): People who have cheated in a relationship usually are paranoid about their relationships whether it has been disclosed or not, they know the reality of what can happen.Once it has been disclosed, then they know that the same can be done to them, and "be justified" easily (although that actually isn't true).I'd suggest you post more information here, people can give you better feedback if they know more.I'd also recommend that you take any harsh advice, any condemnation, any criticism, from any source, with a grain of salt. Nobody knows what another person has been through in life, and frequently even the person doesn't understand it themselves and why they do the things that they do. That comes only from great effort at understanding oneself.Guilt, Fear, Shame, Anger, basically the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse come into the relationship when this happens.You don't say what you did that you characterize as "cheating", or describe the circumstances around it. However, "cheating" 2 months into a relationship means that the relationship has a lot of issues to deal with (whether from one person or both persons).So, first you have to accept what you have done, why you did it, and really acknowledge what you have done to the other person, you also need to understand it fully, to the point where you can truly get the point across to yourself as to what it means. Only then can you truly seek forgiveness for what happened. That may take a long time.However, regardless of what happens in the current relationship, don't move to the next one without first understanding yourself better, a lot better. It will save you a lot of pain, fear, shame, and anger in the long run and you will be much happier.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (13 October 2010):
 So, you cheated 2 months into your relationship and he actually stuck around?!? Pardon my surprise, but I wouldn't have given you another second. With that said, your problem is likely due to guilt you're feeling about having cheated. It's as if you're trying to make up for it by constantly "proving" your loyalty. That's a sign that you haven't forgiven yourself for what you did. If he has truely forgiven you, then it should be water under the bridge. Neither of you should dwell on the past anymore. You need to move on.
If you are unable to do that, then I would suggest ending this relationship because this will not get better. Work your issues out before getting with someone else.
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A
female
reader, kih88 +, writes (13 October 2010):
 What are you paranoid about exactly? That he will cheat on you or leave you? IF its about cheating, the reason you probably have these heightened worries now is because when people enter in a relationship, they generally don't ever expect or think that they'd cheat on their partner. Maybe since you did cheat him, now it's sort of hit you cheating in a relationship is a reality and is something that your bf could do. If by "suffocating" you mean you've gotten suspicious and clingy, then realize that you're not being fair. To give the relationship a chance, you and him need to have a level a trust. He trusts you enough to keep the relationship going, so you need to do the same.
If its mostly that you're scared that you're gonna do something wrong and drive him away, then first, you need to calm down! You and your boyfriend worked through the cheating situation and you've been together 4 months, which is a great sign. Evaluate your relationship. Does your boyfriend seem pretty happy and like he's totally gotten over the cheating? If he's fine and seems like he's making a great effort to just keep the relationship going and strengthening it, you're probably worrying for nothing. Just try to relax and be yourself. You already apologized and moved on from the one snag in your relationship, so just try to move on. Plan a romantic weekend or something with him and throw your worries away; the fun you have will probably shine through and show you that things will be okay.
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