A
male
age
30-35,
*ee0011
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years now. During our first year of dating o cheated on her now she doesn't believe anything that I say I'm doing when I'm not with her! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 The issue for you both is how she will be able to regain trust. Your relationship cannot work if she cannot find it in her heart to forgive you and trust you again. She must try to work on this, with your help, otherwise your relationship is doomed.
In staying with you, she agreed to forgive, and forgiveness includes elements of being able to trust your word when you promise not to cheat. You will begin to feel trapped in this relationship if she can't learn to relax. You must talk to her firmly and ask her when she'll allow you to get out of this jail.
It's up to her to change, if she loves you she will try, if she doesn't then she will be making herself and you unhappy for the rest of the time your together.
Ask her what will it take for her to trust you again, and what proof does she need to believe that you never did anything sexual and don't intend to such things in the future.
A
male
reader, Mee0011 +, writes (8 July 2010):
Mee0011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's the thing I really don't want to leave. I want to be with her but I don't want me asking her to stay being the only thing keeping her here. See everyone on here can tell me over and over that I don't deserve her and what not and I agree I really don't you can tell me how I messed up and it's all my fault but I already know I've accepted that I know that. She tells me she wants to make t work and I want to to so I'm willing to do anything that I can to make her happy because I know that she deserves it. I know she deserves that and so much morep
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 July 2010):
The words are as bad as the actions. You still cheated. But like I said before, she decided that she'd stay with you and try to work through it. But at 4 years on, she really should have made some progress. Cheating is wrong, and you were wrong to do it. But if a person decides to continue seeing someone they've cheated, they can't sit there forever holding it against that person. Your girlfriend made a commitment to try and work through this and forgive you. She has not done that in 4 years. She won't have done it in 8 years, nor in 80 years. You need to end this, move on and never cheat again. While the posts below all show you as a cheat, I would like to remind them that this girl had the option to dump you. She did not. She chose to stay and try to forgive. She hasn't done that in 4 years, and he's not cheated since. She has now become the problem. You've done all you can, and if in 4 years it's not worked, it never will. End it and move on.
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A
male
reader, Mee0011 +, writes (8 July 2010):
Mee0011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe things is though. i never cheated on her with actions it was only words. i neve went out and didnt those things but she doesn't believe me about that either. she asks me to prove that im not doing something wrong but how do you prove that you're not doing something. how do you prove that you're being truthful and faithful. the only way to even come close is to have someone verify your story but she doesn't want to invole anyone other than us so i don't do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): can you blame her for not trusting you? at the end of the day your the one that broke her trust for you, once men cheat on a girl, it can take years to rebuild trust. and the saying once a cheat, always a cheat is half true, although some can change there ways, but not many men do. to be honest i think she deserves better than you, think about how she is feeling, i bet she has so many thoughts going through her head wondering what you been up to, but then all thats down to you why she is feeling that way. stop feeling sorry for yourself, and do all you can to prove you love her and wouldnt cheat again, if she still dont believe you, she is better off leaving you so she can learn to trust again, and when she does she will find someone millions better than you. sorry but im really against cheats. all you hear these days are who has cheated on who , cant some men learn to keep it in there pants, also some women too who cant keep there knickers on! but thats life, they are the ones who lead sad lifes to be honest.
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A
female
reader, Aussiemum  +, writes (6 July 2010):
Trust is imperative in a relationship. Without it, you have nothing. You broke the trust, albeit a while ago...and she hasnt been able to heal or let go of that fear of you possibly hurting her again. Time wont fix this unfortunately. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 July 2010):
If, four years on, she's still not trusting you or believing you, then the time has come to move on. Because nothing you do for the rest of your life will convince her that you're not cheating. It would now be best to just end it and move on. Four years is a long time, and she should have made some sort of progress after that time if she decided that she'd stay with you. There is nothing else you can do.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (6 July 2010):
 That's the price you pay for cheating on her. What do you want, a telethon?
Dude, only through actions and not words can you ever hope to build trust. apparently your behaviors have not convinced her that you are being faithful.
I suggest you actually stop feeling sorry for yourself and understand that their are consequences for our actions.
If it happened 4 years ago and just now she is not believing you, Id submit to you that she hasn't believed you this entire 4 years...
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