A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I stay with my boyfriend? Way to get right to the point right, it's just that my boyfriend and I live in two very different worlds. We started going out about two years ago, fall 2009 he went away to college, and when he came back last january he broke up with me, telling me we needed to both experience college. When he came back in May it was like nothing had happened and we got back together. But now I can see our differences, and I can't get his past off my mind. He drinks, smokes, and swears, and all of it bothers me. I love him to death but I can't watch him destroy his life like this, when I talked to him about it he said he was quitting pot, but he'd probably be drinking and smoking more to make up for it. That's bad enough but I also feel like I'm chasing after him, I always go to his house during my lunch break, to see him and wake him up, I always text first, call first, and go to him. This all bothers me but the main thing that bugs me is that I was on his computer a couple weeks ago, and found an entire folder of porn, when I was looking through his pictures. Is it not enough that "porn hub" among other sites are in his favorites list, but he has to have a folder saved on his computer? That and the folder also had two pictures of his ex-girlfriends face, and none of me. Am I wrong to want to be with someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them? Is it selfish of me to break up with him because I can't watch him destroy himself by drinking, smoking, and looking at porn? Am I not enough for him, is that why he has porn saved on his computer? Is it selfish that I want him to come to me sometimes? Help me please!!!
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male
reader, faenon  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 When you said smokes I assumed he was a nicotine cigarette smoker (myself am guilty of that lol after a year of not smoking) but you cannot force someone to change regardless that is a decision one makes themselves and to be honest if you keep pestering him about it he'll end up telling you to butt out as any man would. Say to him you don't like him taking drugs and itd make you feel better if he cut down how much he drank, but if your wanting him to stop completely thats a choice he has to make himself theres nothing wrong with the occasional beer but pushing him to stop isn't going to work.
nothing wrong with a drink now and then his smoking illegal drugs I can see where that upsets you but you aren't happy, while your working his using you like his mother to run to him to wake him up after he has probably been partying all night with his so called 'friends' see where this is going? If you dont like how he is behaving why stay? only a fool believes they can change someone your heart is in the right place for you care but your wasting your time on this one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): He has to change on his own.....you may be able to influence him with your positive actions, but nagging, complaining and etc will NOT do the trick. Accept him as is or leave him. It's that simple.
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A
male
reader, ljhenhmla +, writes (17 December 2010):
What I've leared the hard way is u can change a person. They must be willing to change on ther own. You really need to sid down with him and tell him that u think he is destroying his self and u feel like leaving. if he does not change then you should really leave because it only going to make you misarable. Goodluck
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 You can't make anyone do what you want, they have to want it themselves. He has chosen to be like this and I can't see you changing him. He has got into a crowd at college who probably all live like this and now he is like them. he wants you to experience it, he probably thinks it's what you need. Don't chase after him, you are making that part of his life too easy as well. You arent happy about it so you have an important decision to make. Either put up with him, or walk away.
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