A
female
age
36-40,
*ustmen
writes:How do you talk to a mate that, no matter what the circumstances of the discussion/disagreement we are having, refuses to take responsibility for his/her actions and relegates any comments made about him/her as part of that discussion/disagreement as inflammatory or even abusive in order to avoid taking ownership of his/her actions or role in the problem being dealt with?[Mod note: in the US, "mate" means romantic partner, not merely friend.] Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (23 June 2012):
 You're in a very difficult situation, and I can definitely empathize with you. My ex husband was that way, and so are my mother and younger sister. It is very frustrating because nothing ever gets resolved. You end up having to throw your hands up and walk away from the conversation.I had to learn to let a lot of things go, and stay away from discussions that have the potential to head that direction. That's very hard to do, though, when it is someone you have top see every day, or live in the same household with.....as was the case with my ex husband. That was one of the reasons I left him, because after awhile of bot ever being able to get anything resolved, it really takes a tole on the relationship.You're not responsible for how your partner choses to take things, and if they can't accept any responsibility for their part in any problem, you may need to decide whether or not the relationship is worth it. With my ex husband I ended up trying to use mediators, trained in counseling, to try and help with serious issues. It is absolutely ridiculous to have to do that, but at that time I was not ready to give up on the relationship. We did have some moderate success with that, until he decided he was being ganged up on and refused to participate.All I can suggest to you is maybe try getting some counseling. If your partner isn't open to it, then you go on your own, because if nothing else, they can give you some ideas on how to deal with the situation.
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