A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of 7 year is too over protective and says hurtful things all the time. i don't think i can take it anymore. I am just with him because we have a child together. Help Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): Anyone who says 'hurtful' things to you, is disrespecting you, greatly. People who love each other, do argue and sometimes say hurtful things to each other. No relationship is immune from conflict. But behaviors such as criticism, put downs or name-calling can be misused. So if you are saying "you don't think you can take it anymore' then this is an indicator the unwarranted things he is saying to you is ongoing and is causing you deep distress and pain. Therefore, it sounds like this might be 'emotional abuse'. Emotional abuse is insidious and many people in these toxic relationships...don't even realize it's happening until one day, they wake up, numb, empty and fearful from the repeated use of controlling and harmful behaviours by a partner. I am concerned about you and especially the emotional well-being of your child. This is not a functional, happy family life. You need to make the best decision based on the health and happiness of your child and your own happiness, as well. But...the child is top priority. Do all you can to protect your kid. If you think he may be able to make some positive changes, then both of you get into counselling and seriously work hard together to make this family better. If he doesn't want to work this out...you need to accept, he is behaving uncaring and unloving. It may be time to leave and try to make a better, more solid, emotionally healthy life for you and your child, on your own. Talk to him and ask if he'll get counseling, first. The go from there. He has to make the choice to change..if he won't then take steps to going it on your own. My heart is with you. I wish you strength and courage, hun. Take care and keep us posted.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): As i know from experience you shouldnt stay together for the children if the relationship not right. If a couple split however they both should be parents to the children, but often better done so apart.This is obv a major step though and you must be sure that you do want out of the relationship and if so handle it properly always thinking of the welfare of the child who didnt ask for any of this.
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