A
female
age
30-35,
*arahlb08
writes:so i am in the worst situation i can imagine. i thought i was smarter than to get in a relationship with the biggest loser ever but i guess not and now im stuck and i need someones help. "Sam" and i have been together for almost a year. ON and Off. i come from a well off family, i go to church, make good grades have big plans for the future, and dont do drugs or drink or ANYTHING. and ive never been prejudice or anything but hes always had nothing. his family is very poor say 600$ a month income. Its just him and his mom, shes a crack head he smokes or smoked weed (one of his many lies). i fell in love with him from day 1. his mystery. well since weve been together he has cheated numerous times, dropped out of school, and had no real jobs. He has a VERY bad temper. He has hit me before many times but he usually hits things like my car or a wall. I lost my virginity to him. The day i did that he called me and told me he was going to jail. he kept calling me and saying that he was in the interigation room and i was HISTERICAL. i went to work but i cryed so much they sent me home. on the way home i stopped at his friends house and his friend told me not to go inside. i did anyways and theres sam making eggs with his "best friend" "COurtney" i was so hurt and he told me he just wanted to see if i loved him. hes done this exact thing to me many times. i lie to my parents for him i ditch my friends for him i spend my whole paycheck on him. well recently i broke up with him for two months and was doing good until he got arrested and i went back to him and bailed him out. weve been together sinse then but he promised to change and hasnt. i am "seeing" other people kind of without him knowing but i feel so guilty. it feels imposible to let him go. last time he got arrested he was driving a girls car without a lisence and hit a tree and drove off and cops caught him with weed and he was on bar pills. i thought he learned his lesson but i just got a call from his mom. he was driving again, cops caught him again, he ran, cops pulled out there guns and tackled him and took him to jail. how did i end up with this loser! i feel so hurt but i dont. its mixed emotions now. he has a year probation for the last "hit and run" and now this. do you think he'll get out of jail? and what should i do? i need to get away from him but its SO hard! i just dont know what to do anymore...... and whats worse is 30 minutes ago, before he got arrested, he told me he loves me so much and wants to spend the rest of my life with me and how im the only one who cares.. he always says that and i usually blow him off now but i feel so bad. i can just see him now and how upset he is and how scared because hes all by himself in that jail room. i feel like im tourturing myself for nothing.
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female
reader, kristinjamerson +, writes (28 November 2010):
I totally know how u feel. I'm am almost in the exact situation with my husband. I have been married for about 3 years. I have had everything imaginable happen to me. I love him so much and can't figure out what it is about him that just has me stuck. Like a spell. It started out good. Untill he started to resent me. Ever sence that he has put hands on me. He is very quick tempered and aggressive. He used to be my bestfriend. :( He as cheated several times. And lied a lot. He can also be very verbally abusive. Calls me worthless,stupid. Exc. He can't even say he loves me and he is married to me. Don't get me wrong we do have great times We both smoke weed. I think its the only thing that helps. I'm so tired of being miss treated by the person that is suppst to love me. I'm not looking for judgment from anyone because I know I have the option to leave. If you just want someone to confide in or vice versa let me know. I am a good listener. [email address blocked]
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 I had the same experience with a guy. I really liked him, the only difference being I left the first time I knew he was cheating on me. I didn't want to let go, but I was SURE I deserved better by the way I treated him.
People that have such deep issues as he does (Sam) are most likely incapable of loving at this time. He is on a very egocentric lifestyle in which he is just satisfying himself in every possible manner and does not care about other peoples feelings or needs. He needs help, but you are not the ideal person to help him because you are too emotionally involved.
If someday he gets help and gets over it and looks for you, there you have a different story to deal with. But right now he has: mentally and physically abused you, lied to you, cheated on you and is manipulating you into doing what he wants you to do. It is too easy for him, why stop? He only wants satisfactions and you are providing them to him!
The guy I dumped went off with someone else and about a year later (when in trouble and with no partner) he contacted me again. He was very flirtatious saying how he missed me and he wanted to hook up. The land shook for me as I kinda missed him (there was no closure, ever!). Thanks to God I had met someone who treats me like a queen and respects me and I was strong enough to not give in to his advances. He might think he is a good friend and he might even think he misses me, but he was being selfish, again. He needed my help and was willing to do anything, including playing with my feelings for him, to get me to do what he wanted. This is what this guy is doing to you!
There are support groups for co-dependents, there might be one available online. I would suggest you look for some help for yourself as this is a very unhealthy relationship to break. You might have to take big measures as changing your cel number and breaking off friends in common. But it is for your sake and your future! YOU DESERVE IT!
Believe me, you can get over him if you put yourself to do it. If you were able to hang out with him and not give in on drugs and maintained your grades and worked, breaking this off will be a -kinda excruciating- walk in the park. Best of lucks!
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A
female
reader, Soozy  +, writes (13 November 2007):
Focus on all of his bad points (and that can't be hard) and ask yourself why you would want to stay with a loser like that. I know it is hard when you are in love but everyone gets over their exes at some point in their life but you have to do it now as if you leave it any longer it will get harder. Just remember you need to think about yourself and be strong. You are good and he is bad and you don't go together. He is just using you. Save your dignity and pride and ditch him while you are ahead.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (13 November 2007):
 OK this sounds like a classic case of good girl bad boy syndrome. The first time he hit you that should have been enough. In the beginning you mention all these good qualities you have but obviously you do not think very much of yourself if you keep dealing with this loser. A clear indication that he is not sincere about changing is that he is doing it for you and not for himself. You have no children with this guy and you are not married to him so you have no obligation to him whatsoever. You sound like you have big dreams, do you have any idea how many beautiful and smart girls ruin their lives messing with guys like that? If you go to church then I am sure you have someone that you can talk to to help you get through this. You can not save someone who does not want to be saved. You are not helping him by bailing him out of jail and running to his rescue everytime he gets into trouble. He's a cheater,liar, and abuser. You make think that you love him, but you have to love yourself more. Do not say that you cant let go because you can, ask yourself what are you holding on too? You are so young you should be dating and having fun not being abused and treated poorly by some guy that in 10 years you will wish you never met.
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A
female
reader, mallorie410 +, writes (13 November 2007):
im just going to say you know how. he is a freakin loser, cant support you and hurts you mentally and physically. you are young...walk away and STOP letting him fill your head with stuff. If you are such a straight edge girl, get your act together and ditch him
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