A
female
age
36-40,
*iny Dancer
writes:This has gone on for 3 long years. i was with a guy for a year,and i am absolutley, without a doubt, convinced that it was that once in a lifetime love. But we were to young, things messed up, i messed up - thought the the grass was greener but it wasn't.For 2 years we kept in touch afterwards, i was there for him, held his hand, looked after him when he needed it. But always kept my distance romantically because i was scared we'd end up hurt again.Anyway, after 2 long years i get the courage up to tell him that i love him, that i'm scared,but that i cant lose him. He said all the right things.And so spent the night.And in the morning, the guy i thought i knew, the man i loved and adored, left and went back to the girlfriend i didnt know he had.After a while, i stopped contacting him, because it hurt me more. But i can't let go. I love him. And now because of him any guy ive gone out with recently just doesn't work. Im either purposely choosing the wrong ones or running from the ones that could be right. How do i move on from this?
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (24 June 2008):
 your screwing your sanity up into a paper ball and flushing it down the toilet with your misapraisal of this love game.
there is no such thing as the one, there are many people for everyone some better suited, others not and fixating upon something that even you can see has ended is not going to make you happy.
sounds like he used you for closure on this longterm affair when he went back to his secret girlfriend. this is harsh and you deserve better but that is the way the cookie has crumbled.
there are certainly more options out there for you. some will not be as good as this guy, others way better. your options are always open and idealism whist the backbone of our hopes and dreams is exactly that-a function of our hopes and dreams. so take the reigns on your brain and ride off towards a better place where you can heal the damage to your mind and feel good again. you are not ready to fall in love right now but his will change over time as you heal from this burn.
good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): First, you stop convincing yourself that he is 'the one'. Love is a scary thing and can be very hurtful, many of us have been there. There are many different levels of hurt. You may have over committed to something that will never be. Commitment is a great thing for a relationship, and that you have a strength in, well for the person you think is 'the one'. To forget this will not be easy for you, but it is a process. You have to admit to yourself that he is not as good as you are making him to be. You have to be real with yourself and say why you truly like him. If they are still truly very convincing to you, then you take a break. This will be hard. God is a great person to talk to, if you believe in him, even if you do not, he is there, and his Word says it all. But to tell you the truth ma'am, life is too short to be wasting your thoughts on him. Happiness seems to be a loss in the world, and I would like you to experience this through other things or other people. Find people to surround yourself with that you can talk with about life, some that will share some of the joys of life with you.
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