A
female
age
41-50,
*uy
writes:Hi! I am 39 yrs old and my bf is 22. Among the all the suitors I had, he had been the most determined that's the reason I chose him. I know someday he will be leaving me for a much younger lady. This fear keeps haunting me every time I look at him. What shall i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, buy +, writes (3 September 2012):
buy is verified as being by the original poster of the question the newest is when my bf who is 22 yrs old just deleted his facebook account with the reason that he does not want our relationship to be destroyed just because of this socialization accounts. In my acounts in facebook i just recently uploaded our pictures as couples 2 days after uplaoding the pictures he said that he deleted his account. It bothers now becaue am showing the whole world that we are inlove together but he just deleted his account.Does it mean that he is hiding something or too much afraid that someone special will discover that he is already taken?
A
female
reader, buy +, writes (2 September 2012):
buy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you very much! all your answers are all relevant.. my boyfriend who is 22 yrs old is still on his final year in college.He is in his final year as a aeronautical engineer and am a registered nurse. he is a Muslim by religion and am a christian by faith. His family of course new of our relationship but they are of course against it because of our age gap. we had been living together for a year and I can say he is really that very responsible and very thoughtful man.Responsible in a way that he anticipates my needs like he cooks for me and washes our clothes and takes food in the hospital where i work and stays there waiting for me to finish my shift specially on my night shifts. thoughtful in a way that he keeps on calling at least more than 10x a day and make sure that am doing good at work..we are always together the only time that we are not is when he goes to the university and when am at work but as i told you he calls like my mom. since January we i left Sudan where he is from and where i use to work and we had this long distance relationship which is awfully so difficult but the good thing is that we are always online at ym and he calls more at least 20x a day long distance specially when typhoon comes here in the Philippines and it affects the internet connection and the electric power. but still my fear that someday he will be leaving me is still haunting me..specially this long distance relationship. We will be married when i get back there in Sudan.And this fear is really freaking me out.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 August 2012):
 with all due respect to Serpico, he makes it sound like men in general are so shallow as to leave women the second they get a sag or a wrinkle...
yes men are more visual than women but I do know that a man in love sees beauty where none is. My fiance didn't find me beautiful or sexy till he fell in love, now in love... I'm bent over and crippled and yet I'm still hot and sexy to him... because he is in love.
If a man is not in love with me I don't want him anyway. So it works out...
BUT to be honest honey what you want at 22 is not what you want at 30.... so even if you were 23 and he was 22 it might not work.
I know that if my fiance was 22 and I was 35 (we are 13 years apart) there is no way it would have worked. but once the YOUNGER partner is past 30 I think that all comments about age stop being that relevant.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): I know several couples with a big age gap. One was 13 years, he was 19 and she was 32 when they met. They finally married and had 3 children. Now she is 43 and he is 30, they are very happy. Another couple, 12 years difference. But I want to talk about type of guys they are. They are very quiet, very family oriented guys, they were not the ussual 2o something year olds.They never had any interest in partying, heavy drinking, changing sexual partners all the time. The ussual thing that young men do. With the first couple his parents put out a war against their marriage. Only after first child was born they finally excepted the fact that this is what they ll have to live with.The classical situation is though that he ll grow up a little more and will go for a young one. So it's really your choice. You can enjoy what ever years you have with him, or break it up now.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (31 August 2012):
 While it is not impossible to last, I would say it is unlikely. 22 is very young, especially for a guy. Men usually take longer to mature. I cannot imagine a 22 year old guy wanting to settle down with a 39 year old woman. Again it is not impossible... It wouldn't be the norm though. You can dump him or just go with the flow and see what happens. No on can predict the future or what could happen. So either you take a chance and stop worrying about it and accept whatever happens or you nip it in the bud now so you don't give yourself the chance to hurt later if he moves on. Up to you. Like ineedlove said, it may not work out but it could be the best few years you wouldn't trade for anything. Take a leap or stay safe.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (30 August 2012):
 Hi
He may or may not leave you,there are no guarantees n any relationship. However the fact you have these insecurities already show there are cracks in the relationship that will only get bigger.
Just because a guy persues you more than others doesn't mean he's the right one for you.
SO
a)you either overcome your doubts and look forward,
b)look at it as a short term fling,
or
c) finish it and find a man your comfortable with.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 August 2012):
SVC and I have very different views on this, albiet her's is because she is in such a relationship, and mine is on empirical data.
I have said this before, can such a relationship work out? Yes, of course it can. That said, the odds of it lasting grow more and more remote with every year. This is simply because of natural selection.
***Preface - the following is based upon general tendencies. Please do not offer an exception as a counterexample for induction. Thank you.***
Now thats out of the way, for better or worse, men are visual, and we base our choice of mate on that. Conversely, women look for the ability to provide and stability. Ergo, as a man ages and matures, and his earning potential net worth rises, his relative level of attractiveness increases. Because men are visual, the opposite happens as a woman ages. Trust me, the reason you see older rich men with beautiful younger women so often is not an accident. It is this phenomenon working in full force. On the flip side, the next time I see a young beautiful woman with an old poor guy will be the first.
At the current ages you are, it has and can work. I put this to the fact that you are both close to your sexual peaks and are therefore compatible at this time. However, in say 15 years, he will be 37, and you will be 54. He will be entering those prime earning years. At his age then, he would easily be able to land a woman 25 years old, a full 30 years your junior. THIS is why it doesn't work out long term.
Im sorry to put it this way, but these are just the empirical facts. I would hate to give you advice I knew was false, only to see it blow up down the road.
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A
female
reader, ineedlove +, writes (30 August 2012):
 I found myself In that exact situation. I was 37 and he was 23. We lived together three years and even got engaged. About the 3 yr mark I could tell he wasn't ready to settle down. He started staying out later, partying more and hanging around people his age. He did leave me, and he was the first guy to break my heart. If he is very mature, and settled in his career and you have a lot in common I wouldn't worry. Beaides, you always take a chance when you fall in love. I wouldn't trade the 3 years we were together.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 August 2012):
How do you know he will leave you?
my fiance is 39 and i'm 52 and i know he's not going anywhere ever...
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