A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need help with this situation. I feel like im in love with someone. He has a girlfriend, and has been with her for over a year and a half now, but he cheated on her various times with me. He treats her bad, and their always arguing. I know his girlfriend, and we get on really well, which makes matters worse. Ever since i got to know her ive stopped mine and his relashionship. I would just walk away, but he is in my life and i carnt seem to get him out of my heart no matter how hard i try. Either way its a losing battle. I compare every guy with him, and just carn't seem to move on. Please help. I feel if he tryed it on with me again i wouldnt be able to resist? Advice needed. :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): I am currently broken up from my boyfriend and your situation sounds similar to mine except that I was the girlfriend. He cheated on me with a random girl but there was a girl that i still believe had feelings for him. It drives me crazy and they are still friends, he always assured me there was nothing there but it hurt even to consider it. Stop it now, until your on the recieving end of something like this you will never know. Sorry to be abrubt but this girl hasn't done anything wrong, move on, and stay away.
p.s this girl also deseves to know...
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Danielepew is right that when you love it's hard to move on. But here are some things to consider:
(1) If he cheats WITH you he may someday cheat ON you.
(2) How he treats his current girlfriend is a good indication of how he would treat future girlfriends (including you).
(3) You'll always feel guilty for hurting his girlfriend.
(4) You'll never be able to fall for the right guy if you're still hung up on THIS guy.
So. Cut off all contact. Start working on things that give you confidence in yourself (confidence is sexy, neediness isn't). Forget about dating right now. It is my experience that those times when I decided that I wasn't interested in a relationship because I was okay by myself that the guys all got interested in me. (But when I was desperate for a boyfriend the guys scattered.) Work on being comfortable in your own skin and the right relationship will fall into your lap.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 August 2007):
 Well, advice is here.
You need to use your mind, and your heart, too, to control the matters of the heart. You can see the situation clearly, which is more than many people can do, but your heart won't follow. This is your real problem.
If you could move on easily, well, then I would say you didn't really love him. But, you can't; you love him.
You love him, but he does not. If he loved you, he would dump this girl to be with you. But, he won't. Here, you are in a dead end: you cannot win, no matter how hard you try. Your being with him depends on a decision by him, and he is not making that decision. It makes no sense to continue to agonize over someone you'll never be with. He isn't treating you right, either. He should either dump her, or be with you, or with no one; he should give you two clear options.
It is not honest to hurt this girl. If you were the girlfriend, would you like another girl to be with him?
If he should come your way again, remember that you'd only be complicating things even more. Do resist him. This is in your best interest, and it's the right thing to do.
Try to consciously stay away from him and get involved in other issues. This way, you will have a life in which he won't play a role, and you'll be able to move on with less pain than if you kept him as the center of your life.
Take care.
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