A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a man who has been separated for three years, but has not divorced his wife. He has very low self esteem and drinks daily. He constantly feels the need to frequent bars and seek attention from females but does not sleep with them. He deeply cares for me but has been emotionally abused by his cheating wife. I am a independent female with good morals and values. I do love him but he does not have respect for himself or me. He communicates with other females but is intimidated by me. What does he gain by frequenting bars and what can I do to win this guy over? he does not cheat on me, but will not allow me to get to know him? Help
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 Read the parable of the pop corn machine..
http://www.loveadvice.com/ARTICLES/POPCORN.HTM
He is like a broken down pop corn machine and there is nothing you can do or repair him.
He frequents bars because he finds solace in alcohol and those
superficial girls there.
He has been hurt and abused and he is probably scared to have another commitment to anyone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): Do you remind him of his ex? He may go to the bar for the intertainment and safe chat.
If he is hurting from his ex, he may need to air out. It may not seem like it makes sense, but he may just need time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): Don't bother, he is an alchoholic. Alchoholism is a progressive disease, meaning it takes hold of a person and it gets progressively worse with time, not better. It results in the disintegration of the personality, which is what you are seeing and what you are becoming frustrated with . This is a lost cause. Get away from him, accepting his drinking problem is enabling him to continue, your acceptance of it and your desire to win him, is only hurting him more. He needs to hit rock bottom and get some help. He is very ill and you, my dear cannot save him. In fact, my theory is that is why his marriage failed and why he is hurt, not the other way around.....a grown man does not spend his time in bars, he is an alchoholic.
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