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I can't control when I cry and have tried everything...can anybody help??

Tagged as: Health, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 September 2008)
A age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Ok, I have a very hard situation to solve.

I can't control when I cry. I remember that even as a kid, I cried a lot. My mom used to tell me to be stronger and not cry about everything. Sometimes I'd cry when it wasn't even something hurtful. I remember when I was 12, my head teacher had to interview all of us to just talk about school, our families, etc. And I remember being a bit nervous, and crying at least 90% of the time I was being interviewed. As you can see, I've always cried about stuff most normal people wouldn't. I remember crying every time a teacher told me something I'd done wrong.

Nowadays, it's the same. If I have problems with someone I don't really care about, I don't cry. But with my family, or especially with boyfriend and my dad, I can't control it. I end up yelling, crying non stop, unable to control it or become calm. Even if it's my dad, I yell at him, once he got so angry at me because I wouldn't shut up, I swear I've never seen him THAT mad.

When I have big fights, I don't think rationally once I start crying. Sometimes I self harm, or if I'm in public, I can't help crying even if I don't want to. I just feel hurt and start sobbing, I can't help it, even though I don't want to!

I've never met someone like me. I know crying and being sensitive are normal, but not to this extent, I know this is unhealthy, I've done things I've regret when I'm in upset emotional states.

I tried therapy, but nothing changed. What can I do? I hate crying so much, I feel like a 2 year old. When I'm in the middle of a fight, hurt, all I want is to be hugged, or to lie down in fetal position, as I even feel a physical uncomfortable sensation through my body. I get aggressive... just like a spoiled two year old throwing a fit! The issue is when I was a kid I wasn't spoiled, I just cried if I felt vulnerable. I also have LOTS of self esteem issues. Therapy didn't work either. Especially regarding self image (I guess this somehow has to do with the fact that my mom cut my hair when I was like 5 years old, a-la-Beatle, and I looked like a little boy. She did this because I cried too much when she brushed my hair, so it was more practical. But I grew up feeling like an ugly girl who looked like a boy. I let my hair grow when I was like 9. A small event, but I affected me a lot).

I need to find a solution. I want to have a career, I want to get married, have kids, live a happy life. But I feel emotionally weak to overcome some of life's situations. For example, if I feel so wrecked when my boyfriend gets angry because of something I do or say, then what will happen when I lose my grandma for example? (She's 82 already... it's inevitable. I love her tons!) What will happen if I have kids and they start distancing themselves from me?

View related questions: self esteem

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2008):

Hi! I hope you get this message even though it's late. I'm so glad to hear of your situation because I've been the same way. I did everything I could think of as well. I would cry over a cute commercial on TV or if anything surprising happened. And your right- you really can't help it. That's okay. It's bothered me to see and be aware of things that other people aren't.

Someone gave me a book called "Highly Sensitive People." Ever since then I've had a better understanding that some people really are this way. It was comforting but the problem was still there.

I've learned it is a problem with the brain way more than a problem with the personality. I've found that my brain gets tired relly easily and that's when I cry. I've been on Lamictal and Well-butrin and that helped my sesitivity the most of anything else I've tried. Somehow it has given my brain the energy it needs. It's been a year and I'm almost to the point where I can resume my education and relationships. A

nother thing that helped me cope (but didn't solve the problem like medication) was that me mom would always listen to me cry and talk about things that only I could feel. Seeing her not be affected, scared, traumatized like I was helped me keep in touch with the reality that not everyone is like this. I've also gone to counseling. It hasn't helped my sensitivity but it has been a refuge where I can try to explain what I'm going through and I don't feel ashamed to cry (because they are used to wack-o's).

One time I was having a tantrum and I yelled, "I hate this. I feel like a 10 year old!!" My cute 12 yr old sister said, "It's okay, Shelley, maybe next year you'll feel like an 11 yr old."

I've also developed a very controlled lifestyle. I avoid going to long classes or church, because my brain gets tired and I cry. I've made sure I watch lots of calm movies and get lots of sleep; that also helps my brain not bet tired.

I've searched for you for a long time! Thank-you. I never in a million years thought that my brain could overcome all the horror and being so messed up. It's truly a miracle and it CAN happen to you- if it happened to me!

-Your friend, The Miracle

(Maybe I can get now get married, have a family, a career and survive this overwhelming life!)

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A female reader, Haruka62442 United States +, writes (1 September 2008):

I'm sorry you have to go through this. As a person who has been severly depressed and also self injured i can feel what you are going through. Thepary didnt work on me either, cause i didnt like my counsler. You could try to go to another professional or ask your doctor ofr a referal for a really good one. i dont think you should try holding it in....it dosent sound healthy to me. I would go to a prive place like a bathroom or something and let it all out. you'll feel better afterwards. Also consentrate on things you like and try to have a positive attutude. Staying busey helps....if ur reading or watching tv then you may not think abt bad possibilities. Find something that you can be passonate in and just all your energies in. I for example got into art, anime, and sewing. Also meditate on who you are and what triggers it...then avoid the triggers if u can. If you know yourself you can take care of yourself. I hope things get better. best of luck!

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A male reader, look samurai dick United Kingdom +, writes (1 September 2008):

im no doctor but my thinking of it is....

a person cries because they find it difficult to deal with the emotions they are feeling. it is a relief of the stress.

wether its lack of confidence or anxiety or whatever it might be, be honest with yourself and get to the root of what your feelings are telling you... what triggers it. - then you can act on it.

if you have someone who you can talk to about it and be totally honest and open with, then it will help you to get it all out and not feel like its such a big deal.

if its really bad then you should seek proffessional help.

always get a second third and forth or more oppinions!

not trying to worry because im most likely wrong but maybe it could be manic depression. you never know.

best of luck to you.

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A male reader, bg United States +, writes (31 August 2008):

I know what you mean, as a preteen I was not too different. I think it may be worse for a man, but certainly feel for you.

My advice would have to be distance. The crying for me was a fear of doing or saying something I couldn't undo. Its more of a social phobia than a personal psych issue. I got over it by stepping back from the situation and seeing the big picture, life goes on, and so will I.

My only word of caution is not to over-do it. I ended up repelling people with a tough-guy facade, and became totally unreachable for a time.

(If you want to talk about it don't be a stranger, I know how you feel and communication can really help.)

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