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I can't contain myself in a relationship w/ one girl, but I want to get married and have a family. Should I do it?

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Question - (12 February 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 February 2007)
A male age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am confused about certain instincts i have. Like i think it is next to impossible for me to contain myself in a relationship with one girl, no matter what the theories on love. Every now and then i find some girl that i sexually desire and this may have nothing to do with love. On the contrary, i may find some girl with whom i just want to be friends with and cannot imagine having sex with her. Some of them i like to respect and some i don't care about. When in a relationship, i don't think there would be a women willing to digest these things and this is what bothers me about entering in a committed relationship. But then i want to get married and have my own family. Should i, or should i not?

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A female reader, forgetmenot +, writes (12 February 2007):

forgetmenot agony auntBy the sounds of it you're not ready for commitment. Don't enter into a situation involving children until you know what you want, you have to be a bit selfless about things if you're going to have kids. Maybe in another few years you'll have met someone who you feel is worth sacrificing the freedom to sleep around but right now that's not where you are so don't stress about it yet. Family isn't right for you at this time.

Having said that, it's normal to still find other people sexually attractive when you're in acommited relationship. It's acting on it that poses problems.

Also some people are happy enough with open relationships and if you're okay with being with a woman who you don't mind who else she sleeps with then that could be something that works for you too. Just be open about what you want. Take care

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A male reader, Yos Netherlands +, writes (12 February 2007):

Yos agony auntWelcome to the eternal dilemma of love. How can you commit to just one person when there are so many attractive girls in the World? Yet to stay single is to miss out on a family and all the benefits of a long term committed relationship. Each path involves pleasure, yet each also involves sacrifice. And we can't do both.

Life is strange. The difficult thing to do is usually the right thing. The things that are worth the most in life involve making the greatest sacrifices to get them. Life isn't supposed to be easy, we're not made that way.

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