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I can't bear to spend my life in USA. I know in my heart I don't belong...

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Question - (18 April 2009) 5 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2009)
A female Mexico age 41-50, anonymous writes:

This question isn't exactly about a boy/girl relationship, but my heart IS breaking, and I really need answers, and as an aunt myself, I've given so much so please let this technicality slide. If there is someone out there who can help me, I'll love you forever. My heart is about to break from this.

I've always loved latin culture ever since I can remember. I studied abroad in Mexico, and fell in love with the culture, as an undergrad. I went on to become a Spanish teacher, and live in North Carolina, but I soon became unhappy. I realized that I had an adventure abroad, and with all the years left in my life, I'm not ready to close the book on my days of having adventures. I'm not ready to settle down and stay in one place all my life.

I was born and raised in USA but I always loved latin culture. I had some nice things, and I was grateful, but sometimes I would feel sad because I knew in my heart I didn't belong and that I was supposed to be somewhere else. I started reading about Spain when I was 2 years old and fell in love from afar. I know how weird this sounds but I began to wish and wish with all my heart that I had been Spanish. I remember the time when, as a third grader, I got in trouble because I said I wished I had been Spanish instead of American. I wanted to be somewhere with passion and soul and magic. My teacher lectured us about how the USA is the only country in the world where people have any freedom and all the other countries are even worth seeing and she made me feel guilty because I liked latin stuff. She forbid me to read Encyclopedia Britanica in class after I finished my work (the other kids could but not me) because she wanted to discourage my interest.

But I knew in my heart I was right.

I decided I wanted to teach abroad, and I did some research and teaching English abroad is the most auspicious way for a US citizen. So I decided "This is the answer to my prayers." I just wanted the adventure of living abroad, and knew that many countries would be options.

I did some research and decided that I want to do my teacher training in Spain. The reason is that I've always wanted to see Spain and I realize how hard it is to get work there. So, doing my teacher training (which lasts a MONTH) is my chance to see Spain. I'll finish my studies and then stay there another month to actually SEE Spain. I figured I'll get certified, take a month to enjoy Spain, and then leave the country to look for work elseweher (Asia or Latin America).

Here's the problem. The more I read about Spain, the more I fall in love with it. I've done research and yes, the economy sucks, jobs are scarce, immigration is strict (hell if it were easy to move to Spain there would be no one left in USA)... I GET that. I know it isn't easy to go live there. I would never DREAM of doing anything ILLEGAL, either. But I don't like to give up until I've left every stone unturned and getting my way means so much to me, and I have my heart set on living in Spain. I know it sounds delusional, you might say, "You've never been, you can't be sure you'd like it," but I just know in my heart that I belong there.

I KNOW that it's NEARLY impossible. But, the key word is "nearly." I have my heart set on going there forever (and, je repete: LEGALLY) and I don't like to give up... I like to get my way.

This is wordy, I am sorry. Thank you if you've read everything... I guess I should abbreviate but I needed to get this off my chest or go nuts.

I can't bear to spend my life in USA. I realize that some people want to come here but I know in my heart I don't belong. If you can help me I'll love you forever.

View related questions: fell in love, my teacher

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hey, um not really sure what your asking, weather you should go to spain? or weather it would be possible for you to go?

No, you're NOT stupid. I tend to be a windy writer, but that's my fault.

My question is that I'm going but I'm sad because I'll fall in love with it and not want to leave... and I want to know if it's possible for someone like me to legally stay for good.

I don't want to disappoint anyone but USA is so overrated. You are welcome to come here but I'm an American and I want to leave, lol. I live in North Carolina and it's awful, you go in a store and people are often rude to you, my neighbor two doors down from me threatens to shoot me, people treat you like a criminal if you do the slightest little thing to inadvertently offend them.

I've been to Houston and people are really nice there Kelly, if you go to USA, Austin and Houston are much friendlier. I imagine California is nice too. But North Carolina... I feel guilty that I raised my dog here.

By the way, thanks for reading my post, I know it's long... and thanks for answering.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I'm definitely going!

I've made my mind up.

I'm just sad because although I know I'm fortunate to go, I keep falling more in love with it and I know I'll eventually have to leave and go elsewhere.

I'm sad because I've always longed to go there and live there forever but it's nearly impossible for me, as a US citizen with no European ancestry or background. I'm grateful to be able to go for a little while, but I dread leaving because I'm scared I'll have fallen more in love with it.

I realize that some people want to come to USA... but it's all relative. I've been American all my life and I've always known in my heart that I belong elsewhere. My question is, IS there a way for an American with no European ancestry to go there and live forever?

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A female reader, jujubelover United States +, writes (19 April 2009):

jujubelover agony auntDear Spanish Lover,

I say, go for it! It sounds like it’s in your heart to go and until you see and experience Spain for yourself, you won’t be happy. I think it would be a wonderful adventure and you are young and adventurous so go.

Go and see what a wonderful country, culture and what wonderful people they are. I wish I would have been that daring when I was your age. I should’ve done that same thing. The country’s’ history, the people and the delicious food they have to offer. I’m already jealous; could I fit in your suitcase?!!

I grew up in South America during the 60’s and early 70’s, when things were great and a little more stable. I was lucky, I had the best of both worlds; my mom was an American and my father was Venezuelan. It was a wonderful place to live back then. The country is beautiful and the people are warm, pleasant and fun-loving.

Yes, it has its bad points too, just like any country does. But when you travel, you have to look past that and look at the beauty the country, its people and culture have to offer.

Just like when I travelled to Great Britain, I was able to appreciate and admire its great history. I was awed, thrilled and amazed to see Oxford University buildings with plaques that dated back to the 1400’s and earlier. Since we don’t have that kind of history on this side of the pond.

The people were amazing and all of the sights were breathtaking. Now if I wanted to be tacky and find fault with something that wasn’t exactly like what I’m accustomed to, I could of, but I chose to see and take with me the best of that trip.

Plus, I came back from that trip engaged to a wonderful guy, and will be celebrating our 21st anniversary this year!

So go eat up, travel and soak up that wonderful Spanish culture. Have loads of fun while you are there. I hope you get a chance to eat some of their great candy: Turrón Alicante, it’s “delicioso”!

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A male reader, blazee United Kingdom +, writes (18 April 2009):

blazee agony aunthey, um not really sure what your asking, weather you should go to spain? or weather it would be possible for you to go?

Anyway, sorry for my slight stupidity lol:) but if you say you want to go spain, then go.

if you dont go you will probably regret it and spend the rest of your life wondering what if. However dont go to spain if you expect to fit in there completely and be happy, because i dont think moving anywhere can ever make you feel completely satisfied in that way. It sounds as if you have your heart set on spain however, and if youve done the research, you know what its gonna be like and you have the guts to actually do it, totally go for it.

All the best x

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A female reader, kellyxxx United Kingdom +, writes (18 April 2009):

kellyxxx agony auntI live in england and i go on holidays to spain, its not that amazing! Its tacky to say the least. I would much rather live in america that spain! X

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