A
male
age
41-50,
*ghghg
writes:In regard to the last question I posted:Your advise was all good and probably right. Only one problem, I really am in love with this woman and her daughter. I can not see her or her daughter suffer the consequences of my leaving. Their worlds would turn upside down and inside out! I'm not joking. I am the only one employed. Their lives would forever be changed and not, as I am sure many of you may believe for the better. Coming from a family that was devorced when I was three y o I always learned to try my best to work things out. Isn't that the most important thing: the continuity of the family? Now that she has these limitations on her she isn't comunicating. She is asking again for the same thing. She says she is excited about geting married to me but just wants this last freedom. I will not give in to this but am really afraid for our future. One I have tried so hard to maintane. Lost again. Thanks all for any replys! Hghghg Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Like I said before she's using you. But I didn't know you were also supporting her & her kid financially. Yes family is important, but you're not their family. That's not your kid. That is the responsibilty of the kid's real father not yours. She will be fine if you leave. She can get a damn job & the state will help her if she needs it for food, rent, medical care, daycare etc..they even pay people's heat bills. I know b/c my friend is a low income single mom. Don't you want your own kids and a loving wife that loves you not for what you do for her but because you're meant to be together?
A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Aww...You are the guy who posted that he's in England,girlfriend in USA and she had a sex with co-worker several times?It's GREAT opinion not wanting to give up on continuity of the family and I am also a kid out of broken marriage so couldn't understand you more about that.Her daughter changes my thoughts on the subject a LOT-if you accept her as a child of your own (like I see you do and admire you for that) then she comes 1st.After all,I'm not aware of all the facts but if it was only sex between them it might not be such a big deal.Maybe try not to limit her anymore and act friendly or as usual so you could make a communication between you two strong again?Guess you'll know what and in what way to do for the best.No meter what happens you seem like a very good person for what you wrote up there and I think she must appreciate the support and everything else you gave her so far...so hope you'll won't get hurt.If it means to you you have my full support and I wish you the best luck in the world-just keep thinking the way you do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Apart from the fact that she has canceled her "plan" and this feels like a burden since she she's left with the reminiscent thought of "what if," the problem is also that you are not willing to think of your own good. The reality is that she has restricted these desires; for the marriage to work, both parties have to adjust to each other's life but if this makes her feel uneasy/anxious, if the compromise is too big for her it will lead to a sense of inadequacy and loss of control. As you say, she feels "limitated," as if she's doing you a favour, by not seeing other men. It's when the communication should be the most flourishing to hope to solve the problems but she refuses to talk? "Last freedom" before the marriage, as if the marriage is the end of freedom. Seeing her for 8 years, since when these problems began? Maybe you refused to see them earlier? Maybe the marriage is too big a step for her and she wouldn't have felt these feelings if you hadn't proposed. Who knows. It's very dangerous to continue this way though. I'd... ask for permission to continue seeing the daughter since you're so attached to her, and giver her a break, during which each of you continue your search for somebody else, if you wish maybe meet at an established moment to exchange conclusions. The curiosity seems will be latent since she obviously agreed to this so as to please you but you don't know how overwhelming is this for her, your demands. So I ask, when did this curiosity start to develop, search in the drawer of memories and be honest with yourself, and also talk it over. Then, it's not reasonable that she lets you carry the financial responsibilities to the full, is she trying to find a job as well, and her relatives can support her meanwhile? Don't think only of her. Think of yourself too... Of course for a happy future sacrifice is at times required but don't lose yourself, your personality, your desires, that won't make you happy either. All the best in what you decide, let's see other opinions...
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