A
male
age
36-40,
*farensis
writes:Hello everyone!I am a 19 years old guy, obviously not from Antartica. I am writing here becouse i feel like i have to share with someone else something that never comes up in my blog, or anywhere else i share with people stuff that's in my mind.In my life i've only had one girlfriend. That relationship lasted two years, and was a very good one.We did all things that couples normally do, so i am not a virgin or anything like that.Then i went to Minnesota, in the US, and i was exchange student there for six months.When i came back i got back toghether (This world has a difficult spelling! :-) )with my girlfriend.All went not so well. We had no sex at all, not even petting, just kiss and hugs.That did not last, and after a month we broke up for good.That was two years ago. Since then i have not had a relationship. No sex, no kisses. I haven't even fallen in love with anyone. No crushes, it seems that i've dried out.So that's my situation. I have gone for two years now without sex, without kissing anybody, without dating anybody and hell, without even hugging anybody apart my siblings and on occasions male friends.I am not depressed, i am a strong person. But this is getting hard even for me.Going without sex is one thing. Is not really a problem for me. There are other means to relieve sexual urges.But going without love, kiss, hugs. That's really hard!What should i do? I am not beatiful, i have to admit that. I am a little overwheight, but i am not a monster either.I am an interesting person. I have plenty of interests. I write, i read, i paint, i watch shitloads of movies. I've travelled and studied a lot, so i am not the non-interesting type!Two years might not seem a long time to older guys, but imagine what does it mean for a young man! I got to know girls in this time. But with none of them things got deeper. Hell, with none anything at all started!What can i do? Will love come back? Or am i condemned to be stuck in this limbo forever? Is there a problem within myself? Or the problems is with others? Am i going to be able to fall in love and be responded?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): You sound like the kind of guy women really want, a guy who is smart, emotionally intelligent, creative, etc, and affectionate. Someone who realises that affection is more important than sex! Girls should be beating down your door, but frustratingly, they don't know all of those things about you. The only way for them to know is for you to be yourself around women and let them discover your great qualities, all of the things that you like about yourself. As with all of us, sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't, but keep giving it a go, and when it doesn't work out don't take it personally, just because you aren't right for someone that you like doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, just not a good fit, but you might be for the next one. Keep your self belief up, and it sounds like you have lots of nice qualities to be able to believe in yourself.
Keep doing what you need to do to just keep meeting girls, and eventually you will go deeper with one of them ;)
In terms of affection, increase the affection you have with family and friends, and offer free hugs in public :)
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): If you were really hurt by the loss of your girlfriend or hardly even cared then there might be a problem with you, it could be that you are refusing to let go and even the girls that make advances at you you hardly even notice them -Try mixing with more girls casually first of all them maybe you'll see someone who likes you alot and you'd like back. Basically Im tryna Say let go, take things easy the fault could be yours but you don't know. In no time you'll be getting lots of girls who Wana be with you and try 2 keep the good Looks on
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A
female
reader, freebirdsfly  +, writes (6 December 2010):
Ofcourse love will come back!!
You are an intelligent young man!
I had a long term relationship from when I was 17-21 and after that ended I didnt meet anybody until I was 23,24.
Im not a supermodel, but im young, and I know reasonably attractive. Looks etc dont have much to do with anything. Its about your confidence, build that and the women will be dropping at your feet.
Life is all about timing, and believe me once you do settle down you will long for those times when you were single. There is good and bad with both. Enjoy what you have right now, because in a few years time you wont even be able to remember what it was like. And you will wonder what you were worrying for. It will come, be patient, and get yourself out there and start meeting lots of different women :)
good luck xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Just get out there and date. Minor problem, simple solution. Seriously no big deal, so it's better if you stop looking at it like it is. Really that's all it takes and stop looking for love. Go out and look for some fun instead, look to date and look to meet some nice girls. Love will happen on it's own but if you're going out specifically looking for it you're just putting too much pressure on yourself and your dates.
Look if I didn't have a girlfriend I could go out and find a girl tonight. I'm not suave, rich, I'm only average looking although I am well built now. Even when I was fat I could just go out and date. You wanna know how or why? Because I didn't and don't care. I'm just as happy being single as I am in a relationship I feel just as fulfilled being on my own. When I go out to meet women it's to have fun, if I get numbers then cool, if I don't then cool. No pressure, no need, no desperation just nice friendly fun.
The biggest thing is confidence, being sure of yourself and taking what you want. Seriously, you could out tonight and meet girls, you know you can because you meet them all the time and I bet you talk to them all the time too. But you're judging them all on their potential to be lovers, that's the wrong attitude altogether. You should be looking at them with merely getting to kow if they seem fun enough to take out on a date. Nothing more. No long term planning just one single date with nothing else in mind at all. So you ask them that, if they say yes then you organize a date.
If that date goes good you ask them out on another one, you don't think ahead of that at all. We very rarely fall in love with someone straight away, it can take weeks or months. You're not going to find love if you need it so badly, you're just always going to find girls that don't love you quickly enough and you'll mistake this for there being no spark or nothing happening.
Here's the clincher though, girls don't wait around for something to happen for too long and most won't make the first move unless your a michael bublé type guy. So you have to lead them all the way, this is what they mean by "sweeping off their feet".
Just stop thinking about it and go do it, don't over complicate matters it's just a bit of fun and it's when you don't care if anything else happens is when you'll find it does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): :( A lot of us are in the same boat! We are not quite sure how to get out just now but will try to stay optimistic and confident and just cuddle with our pillows in the meantime!!
:( :(
Tante Victoire
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