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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a 15 year old lesbian and a few months ago I was with this girl called Ashley. We split up. Now I'm in a relationship with this other girl. Problem is, sometimes when we are having sex I call out for Ashley. I think I love the girl I'm with right now so why do I call out for Ashley even after she hurt me so badly?
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (10 July 2005):
 This is very common. They problem is habit. I call my man by my ex's name (and we broke up 10 years ago!!), the dogs name and any other name I say frequently or used to say frequently... There is nothing at all to it but habit. Our brains have enough to keep track of and usually is on auto piolet.
Your only hope is to remember this, get used to not saying a name but saying babe or sexy or any other reusable term. Save the name for moments of serious concentration!
I broke up and really wanted to break up with my ex. I know I am not in love with him and think I probably never was. So print this out show it to your new gal and promise to actively put Ashley out of your mind.
If you called out "mom!" or "Jake!" Not good. If you called out "Ashley!" and you have her on your mind all the time, not good. You then are not ready to be in another relationship and need not use the new gal for moving on.
As long as you love the new gal, and if she can show a sense of humor, then you should not worry. If you don't or she can't, better to move on and save the sex for more stable times.
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