A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My bf had been stringing me on for some time(years). Every so often we would have a talk and he would say he wasn't ready for marriage but never offered up when he might be and things would go on the same and not moving towards marriage or living together at all.So finally I got tired of waiting around in limbo and I called him up and talked to him about things. I asked him if he needed more time to decide if/when he would be ready for marriage and he said he guesses so. I told him it was fine to take all the time he needs and then when he decides, he can contact me....meaning I am not going to see him anymore.I did it so nicely and subtly I don't think he realizes we are on a break!I know he will call this weekend and want to get together and I have no idea what to say to him. I thought about just turning my phone off so I won't have to deal with it but that seems wrong.It just hurts too much to continue to see him while stuck in limbo.
View related questions:
a break, broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I got the book today and have been reading it but not sure what phase we are in.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! I ordered the book but since I am downunder, it will take 3 weeks to get here.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (21 April 2008):
 Thanks for the update! Sounds like things are going well with you. Stay busy, stay occupied, and think positively. Just wondering, did you manage to find the book I mentioned? I'd be curious to hear if you did, and if you found it helpful or not. 'A Fine Romance'...
Hope everything is working out the way you want.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust thought I would update. Each day gets easier!It really helped to focus on all the mean things he's done.He called again Saturday night and I answered but made it very short. He suddenly seemed to be all interested in how my week was etc. when before he would just complain about his ailments and never ask me anything about myself or what I am doing. Still he isn't making any real effort.I guess he thought I would come over but I didn't. He tried to call again Sunday but I was laying down so I didn't answer it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 April 2008):
Funny, isn't it, when you take back control of your own life, you get that sense of relief. Believe me, I understand!
You do need to make sure that he understands that you're on the break though, otherwise, he might not get it. You might as well deal with it now, or you'll be faced with turning your phone off...
This is going to be a bit hard for you, I know, I've been there. Pick up the phone and call him back. Say that you saw he'd called. (Again, you're in a bit of a rush, going off to do other things.) When/if he asks about making weekend plans, tell him that you're sorry, but you've made other plans. And remind him that you two are on a break... You're not trying to hurt his feelings, you're not trying to get 'even', you're just getting on with your life.
Remember that feeling of relief, because it means that you've taken control of your own life and what you want.
I hope he realizes that he needs to make a decision, but you now know where you are and what you want and how to go about it!
All the best.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really didn't expect him to call until the weekend but he called Wednesday night. I didn't answer though. I'm going to have to answer eventually as obviously he doesn't get we are on a break. This is the hard part.Another thing is I thought I would be more sad about all of this but I am not. I am more relieved.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone! I have the next several weekends booked up so I won't be sitting around thinking about him. I'll try to find that book too. I have allowed him to control the entire relationship and I'm tired of that. I got tired of "I don't know" or no answer to my questions.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 April 2008):
One more thing that might help you in this new phase of your relationship with him, a book I recommend because it helped me a lot.
'A Fine Romance' by Judith Sills PhD.
All the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Try saying what you actually mean then there is no confusion. Talking in riddles about such important matters is frankly absurd regardless of your gender.
Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, binhquangdao +, writes (15 April 2008):
 let him chase u don't worry about him.
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 Hi,
Well! I dont think he would understand from that either. Men dont think like us at all, we are emotional and irational, and like to know where our lives are heading. Men would take every day as it comes as long as their is dinner on the table beer in the fridge, and you looking lovely and pleased to see them. Men are very simple creatures, with simple tastes FOOD BEER AND LARGE KNOCKERS, well most of them anyway.
Turn off your phone and go out at the weekend and enjoy yourself. When he phones you after the weekend (and i would put a bet on that he does) ask him if he realised you meant he had to give you an answer. More than likely he wont get why you ignored him. After a couple of weekends of being on his own it will sink in, and he will give you the answer you want. That is if you are still free and really care.
Men eh!
XX
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 April 2008):
Tell him if he calls that you two are on a break. Then say that you're a little busy, and need to end the call, as you've made other plans and have to get ready, run some errands and and do some clothes shopping. Then you can turn off your phone and ignore his calls for the weekend. Don't lie about any specific plans, just be vague and a little bored sounding.
Grow a bit of backbone and take control of your life and decision-making back from him! You've allowed him to set your pace, now it's time for you to make some interesting plans with friends, stay busy and keep yourself occupied.
Be strong! Good luck.
...............................
|
