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I blame myself for not doing what he wanted...

Tagged as: Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 January 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 1 February 2006)
A male , *reg writes:

Please help. I am gay and have just split from my boyfriend of six months.

He is 21 and I am 33 but our age gap has never been a problem. He chased me from the start.

Since the beginning of this year he has not been coming over as usual at weekends, just perhaps coming over one night instead of a Friday and Saturday.

For the past few weeks, he has either gone to Birmingham for a full weekend and last weekend went to Swansea.

He asked me to go to Swansea with him the night after he stayed with me but I declined, because I was tired after work and that I was fed up of him choosing his friends over me.

Later that night, he texted me saying things were over and that he could no longer commit. The next day he said he needed time to think about things which I let him have.

On Wednesday he came over and told me he loved me and that everything was OK between us.

On Friday he went out with his mates and promised to come out with me on the Saturday. I called him all day on the Saturday but his phone was off. I went to see him on Saturday night and he assured me that everything was OK and he promised to call me later that night if he was coming over or not - of course he did not call and just jilted me.

I tried to call him but could not get through.

I am so sad that this has happened to me and can’t help blaming myself for not going to Swansea with him. Of course, if he loved me like I love him it would not have mattered if I had gone with him or not.

On Sunday, we broke up after he told me that it was not working for him. I just can’t help blaming myself though for not going to Swansea with him. Perhaps things might have been different. Am I being too hard on myself?

Someone would not suddenly fall out of love with someone just by not doing as they say would they?

I have e-mailed him this morning saying that I would take him back but he has not replied. He has totally put up the barriers and I just feel so lost.

View related questions: broke up, text

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A female reader, lori +, writes (1 February 2006):

Greg you poor thing you are in a pickle arent you dont you dare blame yourself its not your fault you may have gone to swansea and been left on your own while your boyfriend was talking to his friends i really think this guy is mixed up he wants you then he does'nt next time he comes crawling back stand your ground and as hard as it will be say no hes playing a game with you he knows your waiting give him awake up call and make out you dont care dont answer his calls for a few days if he does call you its called reverse psychology i garantee he will be begging to see you it works eveytime

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A male reader, the_dr +, writes (31 January 2006):

You'll Have To Excuse Me, Because This Is My 1st Time Trying To Do This! I Don't think you should be blaming yourself for what's happened, like you quite rightly said, a person shouldn't fall out of love with someone over something so, seemingly trivial - sounds to me that theres more to it on his part than that, And you can only ask him what that is - which you have. Even if you'd have gone 2 swansea with him, you have to ask yourself 'would that only have been delaying the inevietable?'. My advice is to sit tight, and wait for him to make a move, It won't be easy i know, but you gotta try and be strong. If he's worth it, and thinks as much of u as u do him, then he'll realise what he's done and what he's got with u. Hope that was of some help to you!

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