A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband's ring tone for his mom is 'I'll Always Love My Mama', which starts ringing with that and 'she's my favorite girl'. Then the song goes on to say 'my heart belongs to you'.I have listened to it for 4-5 months, and last night I asked him about it, tried to discuss it without him getting mad, and he said, 'If it bothers you I'll change it', and he did change it. Later, I tried to say that I had hoped he would talk to me about his feelings for me, etc... and he got mad and said I should know how he feels based on how he takes care of a lot of stuff for me and puts up w/my troubled older daughter. He called me an ungrateful b... Am I wrong or is he way off base w/the relationship stuff? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): Thank you both very much for your helpful responses. We don't have kids together, no, and we have been married for 8 years. Yes, he is sometimes verbally abusive, but says it is my fault for bringing up something 'petty', he says, or says I am trying to start an argument, which I am not, really, just wanted some feedback from him -words, I guess, about how he feels about me. Thanks for the suggestions.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 How are these two episodes connected? He should not be calling you a b----. But, it is hard to judge the situation out of context, and I think we would need more information before we can give good advice.
Did he get upset because of the ringtone, and why did you want him to change it? Do you have children with him, or is your daughter not his daughter?
It could be in his opinion he does show his care for you, but through actions and not words.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Sounds like there is simmering issue there... something major he's been stewing on for some time.
If you can discuss it verbally... try a letter... and research non confrontational language to use...
But its likely there are deeper/longer issues.
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