A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Okay this is a bit of a reversal of the usual concern however I am worried that my boyfriend might be straight. I know 100% that he loves me, and I get plenty of I love yous, hugs, holds and quick kisses. When it comes to sex he has been heavily avoiding it for over 18 months. What is really bothering me is that when we do have sex it feels like he has to talk himself into as we lay there talking and/or in silence for between half an hour and well over an hour before anything happens. Then sometimes I know he intended sex but obviously feels he can't do it and just says goodnight, and I can hear in his voice that he is sorry. It is just feeling like he just can't handle the idea of sex anymore. The odd times we do have sex it is most often just oral and sometimes he wants to get it over with quickly. After him doing nothing to improve things I printed out some stuff off the internet about low libedo and gave it to him but he doesn't seem to be doing anything about it, and now I am worried his libedo is fine and that maybe he's not gay anymore. I have no idea what to do and am hesitant about asking him outright as it is the sort of question that goes right to the core of a person's identity and if I were in his shoes I would be really hurt by such a question. Thank you to anyone who has any advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): Maybe he's attracted to you on an emotional level and not a sexual level? The only way is communication, but if the physical aspect of the relationship is important to you, then maybe you should consider finding a new relationship.
A
female
reader, sharonbury  +, writes (7 September 2007):
the key thing here is to try and sit down with him ,make a nice meal and set the mood,ask him questions about your future and what he wants from this relationship ,ask him also if he still finds you attractive and watch his answar,it may be something and nothing but your automatically thinking the worst ,iv this man wasnt gay or sure of his sexuallity he would more than likley not have entered in to a loving relationship with you in the first place ,it could be a confidence thing with him and he simply doesnt want to let you down in the bedroom ,any of these things could be what is preventing him from being intimate with you ,but you wont know unless you talk to him ,good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): well if u are concerned about your boyfriend being straight you should ask him...dont hesitate...he might be upset but if u love him and he loves you he should understand
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (7 September 2007):
 I know of a guy who was gay for bit, and just snapped out of it, guess he had a phase.
I'm straight so I don't really know a thing about gay relationships man, but sounds to me like he's not too big on the whole gay sex thing, if he's on bottom that could be it, I can't see anyone enjoying that too much, no offense.
I say you should ask him straight up.
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