A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a guy in my mid-thirties. And so far I didn't manage to get into a relation.Part of this has been self-esteem issues. (Thank you very much bullies). Now i'm slowly getting over that.But the problem is. I don't fall in love easily. I have to get to know a girl first before I fall in love with her.And guess what. By that time they usually see me as a friend and not as dating material.In my case I grow to love someone. I don't fall in love. But by the time I realise I'm in love the girl has already put me as a friend. Now all the tips on avoiding this is to make a move early on. But how can I do that if I don't have feeling for her? Those feelings always come later.Also, I am not an outgoing person. I'm introvert, and the times I do go out drain me of every bit of energy I have. And even then, I can have a fun evening but to pick up a girl for a romantic evening. No I can't do that. Unless I run into that one person with a natural click, but that hasn't happened.Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the answers. At least it gives me some hope that all is not lost with the girl I love.
She doesn't even know I love her, or she's hiding it to spare my feelings I don't know.
So, I'll just tell her I already fell in love with her. And leave it at that, I don't expect a miracle. But I want to be honest with her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): there's nothing wrong with being in the friend zone - the more friends you have in your life, the more blessed you are.
one of these days, one of those women friends and you will start to look at each other differently and fall in love. all of my long term relationships started out as friendships, some times for years first before turning romantic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): Thank you so much for being a man of true distinction! So many men just want to bed a woman. You are searching for true depth. I advise to go to a large church where hopefully you will find a woman who wants the same. Love is forever. Sex lasts only so long. Go for what will last in your life.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (14 September 2012):
I think perhaps you should try online dating.
Another thing, i've known people who were bullied at children who were pretty late to the dating game. One particular guy was still a virgin in his mid-twenties who was 'friend-zoned' by the girl he very much loved for at least 3 YEARS before she finally saw him as something more and they started a relationship.
Sometimes, you will end up in the friend zone simply because a woman thinks you aren't interested in more. Because you likely do not judge women on outward appearance, but instead fall in love with their personalities, you need to figure out what characteristics you would like a romantic partner to have. Once you know with certainty what you are attracted to, you can assess women you have recently met for compatibility. If a woman has the key qualities you seek, you ask her out. This should ideally happen within the first few meetings/interactions, before she purs you in the friend zone.
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