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I am so confused about my relationship

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 June 2006) 2 Answers - (Newest, 23 June 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

I have a boyfriend of five years who i am totally in love with, but i went for a night out with one of my best friends of 9 years(male) who i have kissed at least 5 times in the past before my current relationship. It has always been really fun and casual, but he kissed me the other night for the first time since i started dating my current bf which made him and me both feel really bad, him becuase he gets on really well with my bf, but then he told me he couldn't help himself and kissed me again. Now i'm really confused because i don't know if all this time he has actually liked me seriously or has understood it was only a bit of fun. i don't want to talk to him about it because i like the way we are with each other and don't want to change it. Also now i question whether i actually like him too or whether it was only so good because i am becoming complacent with my current relationship. I'm so confused and don't know what to do. All i know is that i really want to kiss him again but i don't want to hurt my boyfriend needlessly.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006):

You're not *totally* in love with your boyfriend. You just think you are. You probably just really like him, cuz he probably gives you a lot of comfort. Then now you kissed this other guy, sparks fly, and you feel mentally horny. Cheap thrills and gimmicks. You're only confused cuz your connection with your bf is only as strong or barely-less/barely-more than your connection with that guy you kissed.

The decision is actually quite easy. The thing you think is hard, is your guilt - it's a common obstacle. You obviously know what you want. Now you just have to do it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006):

I think that this is a classic "test" for a relationship that has gone on for as long as yours has.

You have to think about whether or not the commitment you made to your boyfriend still stands... if it does - it seems to me your contact with this guy has to be stopped.

Advice that seems to work well in a lot of situation is, think about a friend of yours kissing your boyfriend, and him liking it. Do you mind? If not, would you mind your boyfriend continuing his friendship with her?

Good luck with what ever choices you choose!

Peter

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