A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for 4 years. He is everything I have wanted except we are going through a crisis right now. I am on the fence about kids, in one way I would love to have a family, in another, I would be happy being a wonderful aunt and traveling the world. My boyfriend doesn't want children. However, after talking to his parents, they tell me he is just scared. I am unsure; he is scared; we both are young; but it is creating a huge problems right now. Do we forget about our differences until the time to settle down comes around, or do we go different ways now for fear that neither one will change? I don't want to change him and he doesn't want to change me.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 January 2008):
 Do what you have to do when you come to the bridge. If you love each other, just accept his views and do not contradict him.
What a man said is not forever and it can change later.We all grow and change . He may see differently somewhere down the road.
Some women have no problems , they don't ask his opinion but get pregnant anyway and then he will have to accept the situation.
There are some who do not want children , but when they see them and feel them , they love them more than gold.
You should not let such divisive issues stand in your relationship. We are all different and not the same.
When you have love , it will conquer all...
A
male
reader, Salad_Barbarian + ♥, writes (12 January 2008):
 Honestly I wouldn't listen to his parents. He told you himself that he dosen't want kids and many parents just can't handle the idea of no grandkids and are willing to lie and manipulate to get them. Your boyfriend knows what he wants and dosen't want better than anyone else. Surely you trust him in other matters? When he says he loves you, when he says he can't stand a style of music, when he voices his preference on any number of things you believe him. I don't see why this would be any different.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (12 January 2008):
 Well,it's good that neither one of you want to change each other because you can't.
I think you know the answer ... because you already said it:
"Do we forget about our differences until the time to settle down comes around ..." I think your other option is a bit drastic if you're both enjoying the relationship.
One of the big problems with us flawed mortals is that we're so afraid of making a mistake, that we try to plan everything to death, so 'nothing bad' can happen. Well, of course, unfortunate things happen anyway, so that's no way to live ... that's how people exist. When we plan, God laughs ... or something like that.
RELAX! You may or may not get married ... you may or may not have kids. You definitely need to be on the same page if you do get married. That said, let me muddy the water a little:
my little brother, who was always wonderful with kids and wanted them, married a young woman that was adamantly opposed to having children. Around seven years into their marriage, she changed her mind. My four year old nephew and almost one year old niece are beautiful.
My friend's oldest daughter always swore up and down that she wasn't having kids. She got her pilot's license, started her career, got married ... and now dreams of having children one day. Her husband was banking on this, so he's pleased.
It happens. On the other hand, there are people that never change their mind. My point is, don't get your panties in a wad over this now ... you're not even married. If you two start talking about spending the rest of your lives together, you'll have to seriously address the issue because you cannot go into the marriage thinking that one or the other will change. (One or the other MIGHT change, but it's always up to the individual.)
Best wishes.
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