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female
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*rongie
writes: Dear Cupid, i am really sad and brokenhearted by the fact that my boyfriend, the love of my life doesn't have time for me. He always promise me to visit me and he keeps me waiting in vain.. I know he's not cheating with me yet i know that i am not his priority, he said he love me so much, he's just so busy by his band and friends., I always ask him that if he dont love me anymore and ask for breakup but then he refuses, I am really confused, I dont want to get hurt yet i Don't want to lose him. Help ,me Please, I am Desperate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (5 May 2007):
 hey,
keep holding on.
this is coming from a guy's point of view, not many guys can put their girlfriends first in front of their main interests like soccer, or jamming, or anything else.
i cant say much, because ive never been in a relationship, but i know a little about the way it works.
take some time off yourself and de-stress.
ponder on this: you said he is busy with this friends and band, maybe their doing something important? and that he really loves you?
and another:maybe he likes having fun more than love, and he isnt ready. the fact that he still wants to be with you is to "save for later".
good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2007): This is a pretty much a one-sided relationship and it's making you miserable and you will get hurt..In fact, you have him in your life and you are in incredible pain...so what is that telling you? This is a case where a guy is keeping you hanging, but he doesn't appear to be worried nor care if you are hurting. Hun, you and I both know that love is supposed to make us come alive, look forward to life and a future with our partners. The mutual respect has to absolutely be foundational. This isn't happening here. Your resentments, your frustration, your self-doubts...are caused by his lack of caring and your inability to set tough boundries on what you type of treatment you will tolerate. This should have been in place, right off the start of this relationship. How he is behaving with you right now may be the best you can expect from him. And sweety, love does not fix personality problems and he has a big one. Real love is a two-way street, an equal commitment between a man a woman. Many women try to rationalize a man's poor behaviour by putting a 'bandage' on his personality and his bad behaviours, which they cannot fix. You are a woman who is experiencing a painful, toxic love. You've talked to him about it and he's not making any move to help you better all this. So what do you do? Hang in there and keep this bitterness, this sorrow consume you or do you save yourself and make a a break, do the grieving and healing and find a situation better for you? You know unless he changes, it's probably what you'll continue getting. I believe, when a man truely loves a women, he will center his love and life on her. You really need to think about backing away and moving forward..if this seriously jeopardizes the relationship, then accept that. Face the pain of loss, recover and realize, you gave it your best shot. So please, as painful as it is...rethink this relationship. I wish you well and keep us posted. Take care, dear.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): I agree with trueheartconfused, But I think if you start treating him casually as if he’s a friend no pressure, no nagging sense of humour? a bit “devil may care”
Attitude but
Still be really sweet he might buck up his Ideas,
Men aren’t stupid they know its wrong to take you for granted but they cant help it, They need excitement they need to be kept on there toes,
The only way I have been able to turn it around is by acting independent if you do this he will probably think, Why isn’t she nagging me or needing me?
Not because he enjoys it but it shows him you care, then he’ll want to turn it around and will put more effort into making you happy,
And if he doesn’t at least he’s not hanging around needlessly and you can prepare to meet a Mr. Right who’s a bit more considerate of you,
Good luck Hun
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female
reader, trueheartconfused  +, writes (4 May 2007):
You are not alone on this, this is the problem many women are facing.
If you are sure that your guy loves you 100% , and he is not cheating on you , the best way to do is probably to adjust your expectations from the relationship. When women fall in love, we tend to lose our identities, most of us will treat our boyfriend/husband as our first priority, we work hard for our relationships,we are totally focaused on our men. But men usually are not like this, not after a while anyway, when all the excitements and butterfies in the beginning of the relationship fade away, they got used to us, they are more relaxed, so they stop putting so much effort to pursue us , this is when the problem comes in . While you are thinking about him and only him , he is thinking about his band, his job , his sport, his car, his friends, his dog , his bike.....
It doesn't sound fair , but men are men , they are just different, you can change his habit but only God can change his nature, you do need to make sure he loves you and you can see the future with him , other than that you really have little control over what he wants to do with his time.
If he is the love of your life and you are sure he is the one, you will just have to accept the fact that he is going to be this way for a long time, you can choose to accept it or leave , but who can guarantee the next guy you meet won't be the same ? It would be easier just to have reasonable expectations and change yourself.
Hope this help .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): My b/f just broke up with me yesturday and we were having the same issues. I finally got mad enough n asked for the whole truth no matter how bad it might be. He told me cuz he was stoned all the time with his friends and didnt want a g.f just a friend with benifits.It was hard to hear but better sooner than later. I always knew actions speak louder than words but its hard to see it sometimes when your involved in the midst of it all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): He wants a stronger girlfriend who doesn't have insecurity issues and/or any problems allowing him to set his other priorities forefront, so long as he knows his girlfriend will almost always be there for him. If this is a problem, which it seems to be so, this might not be the type of relationship you want at the moment.
I can understand why you need more attention and such, but for example, when I was super busy with training, work, family (dad was sick, mom was overworked), and catering to a close male friend who had fallen out with this family, etc, etc, my girlfriend at the time recognize the struggles I was going through trying to balance time with everything and everyone. I made time for her, but it was taxing and tried to break it off a few times for her sake, though I was also quite tormented with the idea. The least she gave me aside from staying with me, was the recognition of my priorities in the short term versus my long term.
If indeed you are considering long term, then you should allow him to settle his short term priorities first. However, if you can't wait, and you HAVE to have him all to yourself, then he isn't the one for you at the moment.
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female
reader, agony_emz  +, writes (4 May 2007):
 hi there!! it's hard to be in a situation like this!! what you need to do is understand his passion for his band as it's unfair to stand in the way of someones ambitions yet i really think that you should talk to him about this as i can tell you are worried. Tell him exacly what you have written here!! as he will then understand that you are totally behind him but you need him to support you like you do him!!hope it works out for you!! x
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): hello hun deep down without realising it he is hurting u by making second best and this has got you questioning yourselfyou need 2 realise you cant let him do this even though you love him you know its not right and not fair 2 youmaybe he is afraid to actually to be on his own but does not know how to be with someone either and how to treat them.you have said u feel broken hearted that is not how love should be i think you know what you should do but your scaredspeak to him about it and if u do not get the answer you want its time 2 move on it will be hardi know its a cliche but there are plenty more fish in the sea!good luck
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