A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling down about the way I am and the life I've lived so far, I'm 22 and attractive. I just wish I did things differently. I never had a big group of friends, I think people always thought I was strange b/c I lack social skills, I'm always craving attention and it backfires on me. I used to do the "dits" routine, acting slow to amuse ppl or make em laugh, but that just made more guys make fun of me. Then I'd take over the conversation in big groups and I think guys hated me more for that, (wat a weirdo) maybe I come off to strong, which is why I never had a big group of friends:( I'm sad about realizing this NOW rather than in college when I had a chance to make lots of friends. I guess I was trying too hard and that got me nowhere. I just dont feel like people like me. I have a couple close friends who don't judge, but why is it that I can't get the guys I LIKE to be attracted to me? I don't know, how should I behave around people? How should I talk to people? How do I come off as confident and intelligent vs. dumb, slow, a blabber mouth, who's mean to guys (because I thought that was the cool t hing to do) I am just so sick of being the lame girl. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 January 2009):
 It doesn't sound like your lame. Your trying to hard to not be you. Your close friend you said don't judge, are you able to be more yourself around them? If so, wouldn't that be what attracts friends? Stop trying so hard. Finding friendships is not a competition or a popularity contest. Also, remember the saying, "God gave us two ears and one mouth, for us to listen twice as much as we talk."
You'll find just being yourself, people will like you for who you are. Look at someone who is talking in their eyes. Don't speak until they are done. If your in a group and your not the one telling the story, don't try to change the attention to you. What they are talking about is important to them, so you want to validate that importance. Say little things like "that's interesting", "I understand", "I would love to hear more." That way you're taking part in the conversation, validating the importance of the speaker, and showing interest in what they're talking about.
I use to have some of the issues you have. I'm an introvert. That means I don't have many friends, I don't go out often where I might run into others or be in big crowds. But in business, I have times where I'm in a large group, or have to give a presentation and answer questions. I had to learn how to communicate properly in different situations. To do that I recommend a book, "101 ways to communicate." It helps in open communication, and also gives you hints to look for when a guy likes you. But, it's not just about learning a skill, it's about challenging yourself to improve who you are as a whole.
I hope this helps, take care.
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