A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:I have noticed a thing about me and my family we are hot tempered and easily angry/sarcastic and i am too.i always have mood swings from dull to angry to happy and to sometimes sad.i don't know if it is normal because i feel normal and i would feel happy for no apparant reason or angry for my family being sarcastic or telling me to do something. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2022): I say hang out with people who will be a good influence on you. I think I tend to be sarcastic and not always in a nice way but the more time spend with my girlfriend the nicer person I tend to be. She is very patient and kind. She has a sweet way of making me think twice or reconsider how I handled other people. Her favorite thing to say when I am an ass to someone is "was that necessary?" so now sometimes i ask before i say or do something "is this necessary" and imagine what she would do or think about it. my mom is the same way but i admit i do not listen to her as much as i should. she agrees though that i am kinder and more patient since i started dating my GF. part of it is i am so eager to please my GF because she will be more affecionate to me if i am being a nice guy all around. but that just makes sense. who would want to kiss a jerk? the funny thing is when i started being a little bit nicer some of my guy friends chilled a little and started being less horrible. lol we all can influence each other for the good or the bad. so hang out around positive and kind people and maybe you will be happier and nicer. any maybe you will get kissed by someone you like a lot who appreciates you for trying to be better.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2022): I meant to say:
"If you really don't like being hot-tempered or sarcastic; don't pop-off at the mouth all the time."
Learn to hold your tongue! It's what comes out of your mouth that tells on you. Anger is not the only emotional-reaction you know. You also know patience, how to be nice, and when to just ignore something stupid. Sometimes all you have to do is roll your eyes, or shake your head. That's enough sometimes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2022): It seems to be a family trait; we tend to imitate or perpetuate the behavior most predominate in our home-environment. Our parents and environment have an impact on our behavior, and how we interact with others.
I have good news, you seem very much aware of it; and it seems to bother you. In most cases, people make excuses for it; and they don't seem to care. Rather than admit it, they would rather deny it; and blame everybody else for how they behave. You've admitted it! That is very good sign, my dear!
It means you have to use some self-control. Practice thinking carefully before you speak. Don't express everything through your anger. Everything that happens to you isn't something bad. Most sarcastic or touchy people are insecure; and feel threatened when around strangers, or among groups of people. What seems to trigger you?
You're also a teenager, and a lot of your moodiness comes from growth-hormones and puberty. You can't help it sometimes; because you're growing from being a little kid into a teenager, and all sorts or natural things are going-on at the same time in your mind and body.
Your family is temperamental and edgy; so you're always set on "high;" but you need to be dialed down to a lower setting. Dial it down a few notches.
You have to practice keeping your cool, watch what you say; and not let everything tick you off.
You can't change your family, but you can change yourself. If you really want to, and you don't like it. It doesn't always mean there's is something wrong with you; it could mean there is something wrong with the environment around you. You're just a kid. The grown-ups should remember that; and they have to be sensitive to your needs and feelings.
You can't choose your family, but you can choose the kind of person you want to be. If you really don't like, don't pop-off at the mouth all the time. Learn to shut your mouth when nothing really needs to be said. Don't sweat the little things; or blow-up over silly stuff.
Read more, get involved in sports, make some friends. If you have a talent, or have artistic abilities; work on everything you are good at, and become extra good at it. You need to see the good about things; not always focus on what's bad all the time. You're too young to be a cranky old-lady!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (22 May 2022):
 Sounds like you need to learn a little self-control.
You ask if it is normal, yeah it kind of is. You are getting a surge of hormones that you are unfamiliar with and can't yet control so well.
So practice some self-control and self "modification". When you WANT to say something snappy or sarcastic or you get mad, COUNT to 10, then another 10 and another if you need it, then when you feel calmer and in control of yourself, answer or react.
THAT of course doesn't count for situations where you or another is in danger!
And learn when a little sass is just fine. Because those situations happen too.
It's all part of growing up. Learning to be in control of yourself, to think before you speak, and to know that actions and words can have consequences.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2022): Today when i wanted money from my mother my sister told her not to give me. My sister told me to go and use the money our father gave us before traveling and i was adamant on getting money from her. All of a sudden when my sister started making fun of me by laughing i walked out and cried. Do that happen to a lot of people?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2022): It's difficult to say, you are a teenager.
But in adults, frequent mood swings or mood swings for no reason, getting angry easily or getting disproportionatly angry, or feeling that is OK to lash out at people...is NOT normal.
It would be easy for me to say "control your behavior", but it's not something that comes easy for some people.
"Hot tempered" is just an excuse for agressive behavior. You cannot control how something makes you feel at first, but you can control where it goes from there. And sometimes if you give yourself time NOT TO REACT you will see that whatever that was does not deserve an angry reaction.
Teenagers are famous for overreacting, emotions blown up out of every proportion... and it passes. In adults it is just unacceptable. But the fact is, you will see a lot of these behaviors in adults. Some adults are selfish, some have also underlying issues. It is important for you to know that this is not how people should behave. And when you have this kind of behavior in relationships (families) it is hard to realize how bad this is, because that is the only thing you have ever known. And you may go on to reproduce this in your life as a grown up. And just because you may find some people who will go along with this, it doesn't make it ok.
People accept agression for various reasons. Like you they think that it is normal or they have no choice or both.
I'm sorry that you are growing up in his environment and I am sure that some of your family members have had difficult lives. You will get to schose what kind of a person you want to be. Emotions are like weather, they change. Practice patience and kindness.
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