A
female
age
41-50,
*issLoyal
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years and have a child with him. Last December, I broke it off with him because we never spend time together. We had time to spend together but it's more like we were roomates. For example, he would be in the living room watching TV with his friends and I will be in the bedroom, just crying my eyes out. He was also somewhat abusive and controlling as I lost many of my guy friends and had several arguments with him about guys on my myspace.So, I left him and met a new guy. The new guy turned out to be a loser while my ex promised he would change and would do everything to keep the family together. He even bought me a ring but hasnt proposed!Recently, I decided to move back in with him to try again with him. Do you think he will change?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I urge you to investigate your heart, what is your true fellings for this guy? Anger management is something that needs constant attention and if he was abusive in the past or aggressive I really think you should reconsider your decision, not just for your sake but also for your child. What might seem like a short term solution, might end a life long disaster.
A
female
reader, MissLoyal +, writes (6 June 2008):
MissLoyal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think there are many reasons why I decided to move back with him.
He kept promising me and telling me he would go to anger management and get help. I did fall out of love with him as I had feelings for the "loser" but we have been taking it slow for the past two months and trying to reconnect. Also, I havent had a job since the breakup, living with my mother who was driving me crazy. So part of it could be financial and sanity.
The biggest reason was that I believe he coulld change. Some people tell me that he will never change. I was told that things might be better for a while but he will go back to his old ways. I really want to believe this could work.
Do emotionally abusive men change?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): Why did you move back to him? What was your reason or motivation? Because the other guy was a loser? Because you still love your ex? Because of your child? Because of financial support? Only you know that answer, and if you want the relationship to work, you will have to be honest with yourself about that first. If you both love each other and want to make a commitment to make it work, you might have a chance to succeed, but it will take hard work, and give and take from both sides. For your child's sake I hope you can work this out, but take stock of your love for each other and then venture forward. Without love, you are doing an injsutice to the child. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 If you have already moved in with him you must have some idea whether or not he has changed, it may be early days and too soon to tell, but you have probably jumped in too quickly, maybe you should have started dating again, taken it a lot slower before making the decision to move back in with him. Only time will tell now if you have done the right thing.
If you find things are returning to how they were before you left you may well want to reconsider your decision and leave again, if so for the sake of your child make sure you leave for good next time.
Good Luck.
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