A
female
age
30-35,
*emgem1088809
writes:I am in a friends with benefits relationship with a guy who is not ready for a relationship. I thought I wasn't ready either so the arrangement at first suited me fine plus the XXX is fantastic. But lately I have found we have both been getting very close emotionally too, he is always there for me when I am feeling down, we hold hands and pretty much act like a couple in a relatioship would. I am falling for him big time but I am worried I am gonna lose him as a friend if I tell him! Should I tell him and risk my friendship with him or should I just carry on and leave things the way they are? He is giving me all the signals that he wants to be with me as he is always with me and is not seeing anyone else even though I tell him its fine!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Oh my god I am in the exact same situation only I dont have a clue how to tell him....Is a horrible feeling....I am scared that I will lose him forever as a friend if he doesnt feel the same.ow did you tell your guy was it face to face or what? and not to pry but how did you put it in words?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I think the truth is always best in a a relationship . You are developing strong , genuine feelings ...so when you feel ready ( and sooner rather than later ) say that you feel close emotionally as well as physically ......and take it from there .
If you hide your feelings and simply say nothing this relationship will be unfulfilled . I think you will find that telling the truth means the trust in each other is built and hopefully you will get a happy , positive outcome for both of you .
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A
female
reader, gemgem1088809 +, writes (5 November 2009):
gemgem1088809 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Im sorry mr anon did you read the entire thing? look if you are not going to help me then dont bother answering the question. In fact I told him how I felt tonight and we r now officially a couple so dont think that all friends with benfits have the same problem and I can get guys off my own merit. ya no we women arent all the same.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Welcome to real life.
FWB is a way for guys to get free sex without committment, and for girls to try (and fail) to get guys that they can't get on their own merits.
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A
female
reader, gemgem1088809 +, writes (5 November 2009):
gemgem1088809 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,Thanks so much for your answers I am so scared of losing him as a friend if I tell him and we only been in this FWB relationship for about 2 weeks but I have known him longer!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): I don't like your odds.But you will be unhappy unless you talk to him about your feelings. So you'd better start think what your going to sayBest of luck
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A
female
reader, dollme772  +, writes (5 November 2009):
Well if your seeing signs that he wants to be with you let him know how your feeling....I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now and when I first met him it was like a friends with benifits thing and eventually as time went past we grew closer to the point where he wanted to make me his gf because the sex is not only amazing but we get along really well.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (5 November 2009):
 I think that this is a rather touchy subject that is totally dependent on the people involved. It's usually how friends with benefits goes. One person falling for the other, but usually the other doesn't feel the same way. You have to examine the situation and ask yourself what is worth more? The possibility of being rejected, or keeping the relationship you two have now. This is something that only you can decide, right?
So lets say that you tell him you feel that you're getting closer and you want to start something serious. Would you be devastated if he said he didn't feel the same way and he thought this was just going to be casual? How about if he stopped seeing you because of it? He is only a 'friend with benefits', and I'm sure you can get another one if that's what you really want. Just how important is this guy to you?
I personally feel that the arrangement you two have can start feeling rather empty if you don't speak your mind. You have all these hidden feelings for him and you just keep them bottled up, and nothing really moves forward like you want them to. So if he isn't so important that you are desperately afraid to potentially scare him off in a way, I would talk to him about things. Just be aware that he might have a totally different opinion entirely, and that's perfectly acceptable. In fact guys usually have different opinions when it comes to things like this. Me personally though, I'd rather lose him as a mess around buddy and say what's on my mind than always wonder 'what if'. Good luck!
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