A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some insight. I am usually single, haven't had any real serious boyfriends. I've had flings and casual relationships. Sometimes I feel like I'm ready to be in a relationship. It would be nice, but at the same time, I don't want to be one of those annoying, weak women that can't stand on their own two feet, you know? Anyway, when someone comes along, I usually get sick of them. I feel smothered almost instantly. They begin texting me constantly, I get annoyed and stop like them. It's almost like I prefer the idea of a relationship, to actually being in one. What is wrong with me? And am I wrong to want to live my life in the moment, versus texting some guy 24/7?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 November 2010):
I don't think there's anything wrong with you at all. I think the reason you feel smothered is because you're not really ready for a relationship, which you already seemed to know anyway.
You're probably one of the more sensible and realistic people in fairness, as it's better to not have a relationship until you're ready. Some people aren't ready but go out and have a relationship anyway. Later they'll wonder why it failed.
Just spend time alone working out who you are. There's no rush to find a guy. There'll be plenty of them later on. Have your fun, see the world, build up a career. When you're ready, you'll find the right guy.
A
male
reader, evildrspock +, writes (6 November 2010):
 No, nothing is wrong with you. It sounds to me like you understand you have to come first.
It takes time for people to understand the role a relationship can & should play in their life. If it takes up too much, you'll naturally feel sick of the other person. The relationship should support you and your life, but your life is about you and what you're doing first.
Chances are, if you're feeling smothered, your need for someone else is less than their perceived need of you. I would let them know you need some space to appreciate them, they should understand that.
I also know finding the right, compatible person is important in a successful relationship. It really just comes down to a matter of what you want ... maybe just let guys you're interested in know you're not so into texting all the time, and would rather spend more actual time with them. They'd be happy to hear that I'm sure, anyways. :)
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