A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a female in my mid twenties and I seriously have no friends! I am an intelligent, good-looking woman and I spend every weekend alone at home. Ever since graduating college, I moved back to my parents house and have lost touch with all my college friends who moved away. I have no female friends whatsoever and every time I ask one of my female acquaintances to hang out, they always bail on me. The only people I occasionally spend time with are my male friends but they all want to date me. I am not looking for a boyfriend, just a friend who I can openly talk to and confine in. But they no longer want to spend any time together once they figure out I'm not romantically interested in them. The only "friend" I have is an older man who is just as lonely as I am who is having problems in his marriage. We exercise together and he has no romantic interest in me nor I do in him, but we are helping each other out I guess. I live in a very small town where most people know each other. I want to move away so bad but that's just NOT an option right now because I have no money and can't leave my job. Why don't I have any true friends and how can I make some new ones?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): true friends are very rare. I experienced the same things for a long time. You seem grounded so listen up...friendship takes a lot of effort. I would define what it is you are seeking and look for people that fit the bill. Be true to yourself, believe it or not, friendships are similar to romantic relationships.
It is tough to have male friends especially if you are attractive. I think you need to be point-blank, harsh with male friends. Flat out tell them "I will never be romantic with you in any way shape or form, if you can deal with that, then I would love to be your friend." If they don't respect your wishes then drop the friendship. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): I'm sorry =( Just curious, did you grow up in this town? If so, do you have friends from high school or middle school or whatever that are still around? If so, look them up on facebook or something and let them know you are in town. Now this might sound weird but maybe you could try going out on your own. I've done that sometimes when I am travelling or have moved to a new place. Go to a local bar by myself and end up chatting with locals or playing pool or whatever and meet a few people. It's a starting point. Another option is get a second job that would expose you to more social people. Maybe like a part time waitress. Like a job where people your age tend to work at where the environment is conducive to social interaction. And generally, after college, work is the best place to meet people, really. Or try to be friendlier with your current co workers and invite them out. I mean, you see them every day anyway. I don't know what your town is like but I think in general the best way to make friends is first to be a good friend and secondly put yourself out there more. Don't be shy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2012): I feel for you, because I'm in a similar situation, only I have no problem making friends. I just can't keep them once I make them. It's like they notice something about me they don't like, so they start avoiding me. I just posted a question about this yesterday, actually, if you wanna take a look.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/whats-wrong-with-me-why-cant-i-make.html
Anyway, as far as your male friends go, it's very common for guys to befriend women they feel attracted to, and then lose interest in hanging out once they realize the woman doesn't feel the same way. It has nothing to do with you, and you didn't do anything wrong. The guys who did this to you probably just already feel they have enough friends, and are only looking for a girlfriend right now. They feel there's no point in continuing to see you if it's never going to go anywhere. I know this is rough, especially if you naturally tend to get along better with guys. Maybe try to make friends with a type of guy who doesn't find you attractive? I've noticed there are a few types of guys who don't find me attractive, and those are short guys and certain minorities. I'm guessing short guys don't find me attractive because I'm over 6 feet tall. I'm half Native American and half white, and I've noticed 2 minorities in particular that don't become attracted to me. So those are usually the types I go for when looking for male friends, so that problem doesn't get in the way. I just can't keep the friends once I make them, for reasons I wish I knew.
As for female friends, my advise would be to get on Google and look for websites that are designed strictly for making friends. I would do that, except there would be no point. You, however, sound like you would have no problem keeping friends if you could just find some to start with.
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