A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, this is something that is really hurting me, i am married and my husband has lost all desire to have sex due to illness, he gets prescribed viagra from dr to see would they help, he takes them every week or so but instead of coming to me he goes to the bathroom to relieve himself, i cringe everytime i pick up his prescription, i never knew he used to do this until we had an apt with a specilaist and how do u think i felt hearing it, i used to get excited when he used to take one of the tablets...now my stomach just turns especially when i hear the key locking on the bathroom door,
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): Hi there
I hope this helps you.
2 Years ago i had testicular cancer,Im fine now and in remission but when it comes to sex i feel different.
My girlfriend and I had a great sex life before this but after the removal of the testicle i felt different.
THe Doctor also prescribed my Viagra as i found it hard to have an erection.
I did the same thing for a while,I waited until my Girlfriend was asleep took the tablet and masturbated.
I know it seems like a weird thing to do but at the time i didnt feel like having sex.With only 1 testicle i didnt feel like a man and having to take Viagra made me feel worse.
This went on for a few mths ago.Eventually my GF talked to me to find out what was wrong,After explaining it to her i found i easier to have sex.
It didnt happen overnight but in the space of 6 weeks i went from being afraid of having sex to having sex and not using viagra.
I know the problem is not you although you may think it is.I think the best thing to do is to talk to your Husband and see if tha helps and maybe follow him in to the bathroom just after he starts and explain to him that there is no pressure and you are there to help him.
I dont want to go in to detail but hopefully you know what i mean.
Once he knows there is no pressure to perform and you dont expect him to act like a porn star(Which is what we think sometimes) he should find it easier to have sex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): That's a tough one, because as you said you know he's just relieving himself. He's not actually getting sexual pleasure. He's just popping one out to get it out of his system.
I don't know what his illness was/is but it's surely serious and it could have had a number of effects on him. He might no longer feel he would be able to pleasure you like he used to, I mean he has to take viagra which in my mind means he's unable to maintain a natural erection. That can be incredibly hard for a guy to take and while the viagra takes care of the physical element of that the emotional effect is still there.
His sex drive is probably zero from the illness but please understand that masturbation isn't sex to us guys, it's just a release, similar to release of other pent up bodily fluids.
Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel and suggest counseling. Sexual satisfaction is huge part of any relationship and while illness is something that must be taken into account, if he's able to orgasm on his own then he's not too sick to perform sexual acts on you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): That's horrible! You need to tell him or it's going to continue to eat you up and burn away inside you, only making you feel worse and start getting angrier at him.
Unless you open up to him he won't realise that you are feeling this way, and will continue to do what he is doing, but if you tell him he can then fix it or change it, and you can work through this together. Good luck!
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