A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married almost 3 years and been with my husband for a total of 7 1/2 years. we have two beautiful little girls and we have had our little fights but nothing major. Here in the past two months he has changed. he has started drinking more and snaps at me rather quickly... he actually left me and has come back a few times and finally left again this past Thursday night. he doesn't spend any time with the girls and when i called him friday to let him know i took one of the children to the hospital it was like he got mad and he finally came up there but didn't stay long cause he said it was too hot in the room. When he went back to where ever he was going he told people that the hospital would not let him in the back with his daughter which was a lie. He is not telling me his reason for leaving and he tells me that he still loves me but yet he will not talk to me about anything. What in the world should i do? should i just let him go or should i try to hold on and see what might happen. he has become very spaced from the girls and i and then he gets ill and upset when the girls want nothing to do with him. I don't know what to do or what is going on with him. He has told me that he will not go to a marriage couseling and that he doesn't want a seperation yet he has taken all of his things out of the house and is staying at his dad's which is nothing but trouble with alcohol and drugs. What should i do for myself and my children. What is wrong with him?
View related questions:
drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): With the little knowledge of the situation based on your post, I offer the following assumption.
Apparently you both have serious issues, he maybe more so with you, then you with him. The best thing is to leave him alone. He won't heal and clear his head if your the problem and always present, so give him his space so he can work out his issues.
Not sure what is going on, but the above is an assumption and based on my own experience in relationships. If you can reveal more of what each has done, the arguments, who said what, maybe it will give us more information to provide a better response.
A
female
reader, lilmisse2424 +, writes (19 March 2008):
 I'm not even married, yet, but but it seems to me that your husband is becoming an alcoholic. Alcohol can do a lot of things to people, especially bring out the mean side. Your husband is definitely abusing alcohol and by that, he is ruining his priorities with his family, and I would be concerned about him. Questions you may want to ask are is there a reason why he has been drinking so much lately? Could he be stressed at work? Is he depressed? I would ask him those questions, and if he wants to better himself, it may help you with the proper action to handle the situation. If he can't figure that out, then I would also suggest as rcn said, separation. It is the right choice, and it may be hard to separate from your husband, but if he keeps on acting the way he has been with you, you have to do it for yourself and for your children. By doing so, you are demonstrating to your children how strong as a woman and as a mother you are to them as well as being the only one taking care of them. I hope this helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): I suggest you let him go and think about yourself and your children. Try going to some Al-anon meetings as they offer good support.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (19 March 2008):
 Is he working and supporting you and the girls? It sounds like his father is leading him into temptation and NOT delivering him from evil. Look out for YOU and those sweet lil' girls, honey.
If he doesn't want to change, you can't make him. Let him go, if it was meant to be--he'll come back a changed man. If not, file for separation and get child support and alimony. He's left you by moving his stuff out of your home. That's a bad sign right there.
Wonder if there's another woman???? Something just doesn't sound right.
Gena Bullock
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (19 March 2008):
 First lets look at alcohol. It's used in many manners. Addiction, coping, entertainment, stress redution, and the list could go on. Which manner is he using it. I drink once every few months to just relax and have a drink. My brother drank because he has an addictive personality and would get drunk every 2 days.
In your situation I would have to believe as a coping method. What is he coping from? Depression? Feeling of inadequacy? Not feeling as if he can live up to your standards and his childrens?
In order to begin conversation, you have to first consider which angel you're going to take. I'm a parent too. Could I take part in the activities he's been doing? Depends on what happens in my life. As of now, I'd have to say no. I enjoy life, and even being single, love raising my children. I have goals in life and know which direction I'm taking them. I appreciate the small things and don't get to wrapped up in what I can't control. It's not worth my time too, because it takes away from my enjoyment.
So what is going on with him. How is his employment? What dreams does he have that have changed or disappeared because of choices. How does he feel with his ability to support his family?
There can be so many reasons why he's acting like this. The trick is thinking about when this started taking a change, and what happened during that time that could have caused the shift in behavior.
If he's not willing to figure this out. The separation may have to be your decision. You still have two daughters that rely on what you do to teach them what's proper and what's not. How you deal with your husband is going to teach your children how to be successful in their relationships and teaches them how to become strong individuals.
I hope this helps. I know it gave quite a bit to think about, but not knowing your husband, I wouldn't be able to pinpoint the actual cause, and without the cause, I wouldn't be able to direct you toward proper action. Take care.
...............................
|
