A
female
age
41-50,
*erseyncorbinsmommy
writes:I just got married in Oct and I love my husband a lot... I think our relationship is great but I'm having a little bit of a problem. I'm 4 years older then he is... I love making love to him and I like to make love around three times a day.... Lately its only been a few times a week and I'm happy with that... But lately every time we made love I don't get off and never had this problem with him before... I've had this issues with others but never him... When he knows I don't get off he gets upset and things he's not good or doing something right and gets upset with himself... I don't wanna see something as small as making love cause problems or reck our marriage... Can someone give me some advice?? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 November 2011):
 This is the hardest topic for me. I don't have orgasms during sex with my partner. we've had to come to grips with the fact that I'm perfectly content to "take care of myself" before or after... and someitmes I ask him to help with the task and he's happy to...
many women do not come from penetration (in fact, the majority do not) and yet our partners take it so personally.
I keep telling my partner "YOU are not responsible for MY orgasm." and he's NOT. he seems to think that it's an all powerful gift.
is he responsible for your other body actions? your being fed properly? feeling full... you being bathed or groomed properly.... NO? didn't think so.
I make sure my partner knows that I am perfectly content to "fend for myself" in the orgasm areana because I get the parts of loving from him that I cannot provide myself
kisses
cuddles
waking up with him nuzzled into my back his warm breath on my shoulder... his arms around my waist... things that are important to me (and him) that leave me satisfied.....
our bodies are not machines... they cannot perform at will.
what if he wants to make love and he can't maintain an errection is that your fault? (it better NOT be).... then what?
it's a hard thing to deal with but it needs to be addressed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): What were the reasons/causes before; when you don't orgasm? Stress, distractions, exhaustion, body image issues, trust??What is the reason you are not allowing yourself to relax, let down your walls, and enjoy the moment?I am of the belief that when a woman wants to let lose and let the emotional walls down; she is better able to acheive orgasm especially coupled with extended foreplay.When I am tired, stressed or not feeling so in the mood, it takes a good warm up to get me to an excited, heightened state. Just saying so to my parnter has resulted in a partner taking the time and care to get me closer to the edge.Even then, sometimes we can just enjoy the whole sex and play, thrusting, exploring and still get tingles and excitment and not orgasm- just men see it differently than woman. *shrugs*Think its time to do some together research and look into buying a book titled, The Multi Orgasmic Couple: Secrets Every Couple Should Know. It better explains orgasms, body orgasms, how men orgasm and how women do and where ejaculations come from eg men can have orgasms without ejaculating and they do not always happen at the same time.Education/Insight helps clears up one anothers 'hang ups'.Hope this helped.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): this is his problem that he's contributing to the relationship, not you. He is taking out his personal insecurity on you. This is not really something that you are choosing to do or not, so he has no right to get upset at you, otherwise he might as well be getting upset that you're not taller or shorter than you are. You need to communicate this to him, that you enjoy being with him and he shouldn't ruin it by creating baggage where none exists.
...............................
A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (29 November 2011):
Lots of us guys take it personally. We need to be reassured when it's not our fault, and to be guided and taught when it is. If it's not his fault, explain to him that you're hung up on other stresses in your life and that you weren't able to let go enough to get there. If it was his fault, be sure to guide him as to what works for you. Most of us are willing and anxious to learn -- every woman is different, after all. Communicate!
...............................
|
