New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login224824 questions, 977351 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Husband does not find me sexy, feeling like I may end up cheating!

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 December 2010) 10 Answers - (Newest, 16 December 2010)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid,

I have always been a very faithful person I have never even thought of cheating in any of my relationships. Me and my husband got married about 6 months ago and for some reason I feel like I am going to cheat on him. I am trying to figure out why I don't trust myself anymore. Our relationship has not been the best since we have been married and for a couple of months the sex has went down hill. I know I have very low self esteem and I don't feel my husband finds me sexy at all... as a matter of fact he has told me I am not sexy! He says I am attractive but I can't pull off sexy! A while ago I met his best friend and just the way he looked at me I could tell he found me very sexy... it scares me because I liked being looked at like that! I am so scared that I am going to end up doing something stupid. What is worse he wouldn't let me meet his best friend until we were engaged because all of his relationships ended with the girl wanting to sleep with his best friend! I don't want to sleep with him I am just scared that over time if we all keep getting together I might? PLEASE HELP!!!! Thank you!

View related questions: best friend, engaged, self esteem

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, petina1 United Kingdom +, writes (16 December 2010):

petina1 agony auntIt will take a lot of will power to sign up to a gym and start a weight loss programme. If your husband doesnt find you sexy now he sure will if you can be determined. Many a man sits up and takes notice if a woman completely re invents herself. Unfortunately for him, you will have a completely new lease of life, feel more attractive in yourself and you may just leave him anyway for men who are really turning their heads at you. He may just need a wake up call, so why don't you give him one.

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all so much... really the thought of sex with anyone else does not even sound fun. I would just like to feel pretty again! I am going to try and talk to my husband about this! Maybe we can work on it! I know what I want and that is my husband!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Misssy2 United States +, writes (16 December 2010):

Misssy2 agony auntDoes your husband have low libido maybe and being a man he can not admit to that? So he throws out the comment that you don't "Pull off" sexy because he doesn't want you to think that you are sexy...because he is afraid he will lose you? Sexy comes from within and if you think and feel sexy...you ARE SEXY. I'm curious as to how long you knew him or dated him before marriage? I had a similar situation...I have started to like my boyfriends lack of desire. I used to take it personally. But, I know it is HIS problem. I am SEXY...even thou we haven't had sex in two months. But, he loves me so sweetly in other ways. I had to ask myself WHAT I wanted the sex for? Did I really enjoy the sex? Or was it the "close time" that sex brings? For me it was the intimacy that sex brings. I started to enjoy other forms of intimacy...like the 7pm pajama hugs...the Friday night alone (out to dinner time). The secret about my mother...etc. If you LOVE him, you will find ways to talk about what you need and what he needs and come to a happy medium. Holding it in will only cause resentment, bitterness and eventually divorce.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010):

Forget about the cheating a sec and think about if you really want to be in this marriage at all. You should never feel like he "settled" for you. He's your husband and is supposed to love and be attracted to you.

If you don't want to lose weight you shouldn't have to. I think it's time you had a long, hard think about where your marriage is going. You deserve better then that.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010):

Well both your husband and his best friend sound like douchebags. His best friend is out of line and clearly knows how to play the game real well. If he has done this before to your husband's girls than I guarantee you that it is not something special he sees in you but rather a challenge that he likes to attempt time and time again. So he gives you the sexy look, undresses you with his eyes and you are eating it up just as he wants. Perhaps an immediate fix to your husband's lacking attention but in the long run will make you feel even more like sh*t. This guy sounds like trouble and does not have your best interest at heart. So don't even go there!

Now your husband sounds like a really insecure man who feels the need to put you down in order to keep you around. If he didn't think you were pretty and sexy he probably would not have married you. But deep down he has an inferiority complex, very low self esteem, so he tries to put you down and make you believe you are unsexy and unattractive so that you won't leave him. Not a very nice thing to do to someone you "love" is it? This is a form of emotional abuse. And I guarantee you he is not going to change. If you stick around, get ready for a life of feeling the way you feel now and worse. It will only get worse.

Hate to sound callous, but you are dealing with two losers here who are causing you nothing but trouble really. Staying with your husband is going to continue to cause you problems with your self esteem. I am sure you are a beautiful girl. And a guy who loves you and deserves you will let you know everyday. Would never make you feel less than perfect.

Instead of contemplating cheating, I would put more thought into whether you want to continue with this marriage. You are still very young and people marry the wrong people all the time. I don't think a guy who makes you feel unattractive is someone you should be around. It has only been six months, you could have your marriage anulled. But if I were you I would get out of this situation before it gets worse...as if it weren't bad enough already. I wish you all the best.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Petinal: Well I very much feel like my husband settled for me. He really wanted to get married and he was 30 and figured he wasnt getting any younger. I know he is attracted to small woman which I am not! He has told me if I lost some weight guys would be all over me... so maybe if I lost some weight(like 70 pounds) he would think I am sexy too! But just thinking about all of this I can feel myself wanting to reach for a cookie! I do think we need some serious counsling! Wish we had the money for it!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I know yall are right and thank you for answering I never thought I would be one of those girls who I always called home wreckers! I don't really believe in divorce but I think I or we may need some counsling! I really don't want to be a cheater so maybe I should get some help! Any ideas about how to talk to my husband about this? Should I tell him the truth about how I feel? How can I ask to not be around his friend with out telling him what is going on?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (15 December 2010):

TimmD agony auntYou are scared that you are going to cheat on your husband because you WANT to cheat on your husband. Now, I'm not trying to make you out to be a bad person here... I'm just giving you the facts. You are not being honest with yourself (or you're not being honest with us) but people in honest, committed relationships aren't scared that they are going to cheat on their spouse. They may worry that their spouse will cheat on them, but NEVER about being the one who cheats.

You want to be with your husband's friend. It's only natural. He looks at you like you're husband never has. Women want to be loved and they want to be thought of as sexy. That's not crazy. But you being afraid that you will cheat on your husband... that is wrong. You are only 6 months into your marriage and you already feel this way.

Stop fooling yourself. You WANT to be in a relationship with someone who finds you sexy. Your husband is not that man. I'm not saying divorce him, I'm saying be honest with yourself. Admit that to yourself. Then you can move forward honestly and maturely. Again, I'm not saying divorce him... but if you are in a marriage that has no chance of making you happy, I think divorce is the better option over cheating.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, petina1 United Kingdom +, writes (15 December 2010):

petina1 agony auntWell I'm afraid your relationship is doomed from the start. Fancy your husband, marrying you 'for life', and saying he doesnt find you sexy. What's that all about. We like to feel treasured and loved and some marriages do go very stale without a bit of excitement but after six months you two should still be on honeymoon. You also are feeling like something is missing so this will never work unless you both get your act together. If you both want the marriage to work then you need to do some serious talking and save yourselves a life time of heartache if you can't work it out. If you end up having children they could end up being another statistic of one parent families. So I suggest you sort out the marriage before you line someone else up as that's definately a bad choice.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010):

if you feel like you're going to cheat you have to either

a) NOT DO IT, tell yourself you wont or

b) confront your husband! tell him how you feel. what has changed?? or

c) leave him for someone who makes you feel sexy again

staying and cheating is not an option.

if he wonders why people leave him for his best friend explain that it's because he makes women feel special. to be honest your husband sounds like a bit of a tit. it's fair enough that he has had his girl stolen and he has become paranoid but i really think telling you your not sexy is awful behaviour!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Husband does not find me sexy, feeling like I may end up cheating!"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0625!