A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend has a very high sex drive, and wants sex every day. Sometimes I am too tired or not in the mood and she takes that to mean that I am not attracted to her , that I don't think she is sexy, or that I am mad at her. If I try to leave her place without having sex, she gets angry and picks a fight. It's like she needs sex in order to feel comfortable in our relationship.I am not sure why and I don't know what to do because I feel that I cannot satisfy her... sometimes we have sex twice a day, and in the beginning of the relationship it wouldn't be unusual for us to have sex 3 or 4 times a day, several days in a row. My schedule is busy, and I have to get up early in the mornings. How do I stop the late night fights? How do I make her understand that just because I am not horny, it does not mean that I think she is ugly? How do I make her see that my schedule is wearing me out so that I cannot have sex every day like we used to? She takes it too personally and it is ruining our relationship.We have been together for five years by the way and the problem has existed for probably the last year or so.Thanks for help!
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (8 October 2007):
It sounds like somewhere along the line she learned to equate love with sex. If you don't give her sex, you don't "love" her. I think you need to work on breaking that association in her mind. You need to make her feel loved without sex. I recommend talking to her about it when it's not bedtime. Then maybe you can both be more rational about it. Ask her gently if she's scared that if you don't have sex she thinks it means you don't love her. Ask her if the sex makes her feel secure in the relationship, and ask her what you can do to make her feel secure and loved other than sex. Tell her you love her and want to be close to her and want sex to be a beautiful part of your relationship, but you have been together for five years and don't want to have to be pressured to prove yourself all the time.
A
female
reader, down to earth  +, writes (8 October 2007):
 well i understand you hav been going out with ur girlfriend for five years, Explain to her that u dnt think she is ugly nd u do think she is beautiful because she sounds insercure nd fills like ur gonna leave her. Let her kno that sometimes when u have had a really busy day you jus dnt have the energy to hav sex.
I think you should take her out for a meal or buy her a present because she needs to kno that you still fill the same way about her. good luck and let me kno how everything goes x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): Of course, she feels thats its only lately (the past year) thats its been happening, so maybe she thinks that youre getting tired of her. Also, she probably has a history of being used for, or getting her way with sex, thus she feels its the most important part of your relatinship. Sit her down, explain to her that she is so special to you, and theres more to your relationship than just sex. Tell her you like to spend time with her in other ways too, ie: chatting, going out, playing games etc. If all else fails, buy her a vibrator!!! Help her to use it sometimes too... :-)
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