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How to locate a sibling that was put up for adoption?

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Question - (18 November 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 25 November 2011)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My husband has a younger brother that was given up for adoption. Both of his parents have passed and the only information I have is......

His birth name (which I believe was changed after the adoption)

The hospital he was born in

the year he was born

and

both of my husband's parents name

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (25 November 2011):

Abella agony auntYou are already ahead of the game. You know the name of the hospital where he was born and the year he was born and that also means you know the State where he was born.

Check out the relevant government department that oversees adoptions in that state. Then Write to them. Do not just drop in for a visit, as they will need to confirm some details before they would be prepared to speak to you, IF they are prepared to speak to you.

Hold out some hope that your husband's brother is already looking for you, but does not know where to start.

A Government Agency in charge of holding the original Adoption paper work often have a social worker, or a kind empathic employee attached to the area to provide support to people making this type of inquiry.

If they are willing to speak to you and your husband then ensure that your husband brings his own birth certificate and the death certificates of his parents to the meeting.

You may meet with a brick wall of silence. But there are things you can do.

Your most important aim would be to find out the name your husband's brother now uses. His full date of birth would be useful to. If you do not know that then visit the library and view old newspapers around the date he was born to see if your parents put a notice of the birth into the local newspaper. That should give you the exact date of birth.

With the date of birth you have a good advantage.

The next aim is to try to identify his birth name. He would have a new official birth certificate in the state where he was born.

The Privacy situation is becoming very very strict. Once one could look at Index births. If that State where he was born still allows this then go through the index for a birth where the birth was not registered until some months later after the birth. I am talking three to six months if he was adopted as a baby. And perhaps the same or less if he was adopted as an older child.

And look out for older parents who only adopt one child quite a few years after they first married.

You will be looking for his new Birth certificate that replaced his original one. So to find it you would look at late registered births where the child had the exact date of birth for your brother' brother.

Be prepared with lots of paper and a pencil to record all these names.

If you can find his new name you will really be on your way.

If any of the links I provide ask for money then move on to a different link. My intention is to provide you with free link so you can do this yourself.

http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/

http://www.childadoptions.com/adoptions/childadoptions.com.html

I agree that the younger brother has probably already had his name changed. Though sometimes the adopting parents do include part of the original name.

A lot of respect is required when doing these searches just in case you cause pain and suffering to a family, not prepared for this quest, and not expecting to be found.

Be aware that you do need to tread carefully as your husband's younger brother may not know that he was adopted.

So FaceBook and Googling his name may not help.

However I would recommend Googling his birth name in case he is looking for your husband.

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index

Hopefully the adoption took place in that state and the boy stayed in that state .

Even if an Agency handled it they would still have had to lodge paper work with the Government Agency to comply with the laws relating to adoptions.

And Anything a paid consultant could do you can do too because you and your husband will have the passion of wanting to be reunited with your relative.

I doubt that your husband's younger brother would have the information to contruct a family tree of your side of the family. But just in case, you could check out "public member trees" on ancestry.com However if a person is alive they will not put detailAnd enter the names of your deceased parents. If people are still alive then just a male head or a female head, denoting that the person is still alive will be on the tree - but not showing the name nor other identifying info. Besides Ancestry (which is very very good) is a big trap for the unwary, as just because a person is called John Smith born in 1960 does not mean it is your John Smith born in 1960

If you can visit the hospital then do. They may or may not help you. But they may have a useful snippet of information that helps you.

Good Luck with your search.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (19 November 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntYou can go out on a limb like SoVeryConfused said and maybe post something on Craigslist. But then again, you have no idea where he could be now. Or maybe talk to some relatives in your husband's family who might know where you can start?

I HIGHLY doubt you would be able to get the adoption record. The only ones who would be able to get access to that would be the parents adopting and MAYBE the adopted child. But then again if it was closed, not even the child can access that info, without legal action. Like I pointed out parents adopting the child want to protect the child's new life and some biological parents don't want to be traced back.

Maybe you will get lucky and your husband's brother will get curious about his biological parents. Then again, maybe he doesn't want to be found.

But I'm afraid without a private investigator to jump thru the legal hoops (even they're limited) you can't, your search is very limited.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (18 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntare there any websites of adoptees looking for birth families?

maybe they have a place you can post online?

I also agree with what tennisstar88 said.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I don't know if it was closed or not. I do know that it was done thru an agency which is no longer open (at least in the town or surrounding towns it took place in). I can not afford to hire anyone and would need to do so on my own. Is it possible to get the adoption recort from the registry it would have taken place in? From what we have heard from family it sounded like once teh child was of age he would be able to be located but the ones with information to help have all passed away. My mother in law was the youngest in her family and her older siblings wher 12+ years older than her.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (18 November 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntIt depends whether or not it was a closed or open adoption.

A friend of mine has a closed adoption and would have to enlist a lawyer plus $10,000 to find out who is biological parents were. Some parents don't want their biological children looking for them and the parents adopting don't want any loose ends with their new adopted children.

From your post, it sounds like a closed adoption. In which you're going to have trouble finding him on your own. You're going to have to enlist the help of a private investigator which can be very costly.

Good luck in your search.

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A female reader, Moo's Mum New Zealand +, writes (18 November 2011):

Moo's Mum agony auntDo you have enough money to use the services of someone who specialises in this? There are lots of people who have found missing loved ones using an investigator type service. All the best I hope you find him.

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