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How to let him down easy without lying?

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 December 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 4 December 2007)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm bisexual leaning toward gay, but I haven't come out to most people yet. I'm falling for a friend who doesn't want to be with me, and now another one of my friends wants to get dinner and "talk." I'm afraid that he's going to tell me he likes me ... I don't like him that way at all. I don't want to say I don't find you attractive, but I feel like I can't use the "I'm not ready" (because i want someone else) or "I don't want to try that with a friend" (because I like my other friend). What's a good way to say this without hurting his feelings too much (and I can't tell him who the other person is because they know each other, but the one I like isn't out yet)?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2007):

You've been given good advice here to just tell him you really like him as a friend but that's it. If you want to mention your eyes are on someone else - you don't have to say who that person is, not even if he asks.

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A female reader, -Colour-Me-Sober- United Kingdom +, writes (4 December 2007):

-Colour-Me-Sober- agony auntIt's not an easy situation and lying really wont help because eventually that will hurt your friend even more.

The best thing to do is to be honest. If he tells you that he does like you just tell him that you like him back but as a friend and that you have feelings for another person. If he is a true friend then he will except it without being hurt.

Good Luck xx

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A female reader, bully07 Canada +, writes (4 December 2007):

u can say that you're stuck on somebody else, and that even though they are a great person, you have never thought of them that way or can't see them as more than that...:S

hope that helps.

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A female reader, aunt.shazza United Kingdom +, writes (4 December 2007):

aunt.shazza agony aunti think you really should be honest. You should invite him for coffee or something similar and talk through everything that you are looking, but you dont want to loose them as a freind. Compliment him, but not in a way that your leading him on as such. Tell him you want to focus on your freindship, and if he is a freind he will stick with you, no matter what happens.

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