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tux
writes:This is a follow-up to my article on "how to get good advice" located at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-good-advice.htmlThis time I am going to delve into the area on how to give good or better advice to those who are seeking it. Of course, we all want to help up others in need, but how can we give effective advice? 1. Be Objective as much as possible -We all have opinions and it is fine to state our own opinions, but keep in mind our opinion is not the end all nor always the best solution. Try to be as objective as you can and try not to come out strong with your own opinion otherwise the person seeking advice may just ignore your advice completely or discount it. For example, just because you feel that all pizzas should be round, doesn't mean that someone wouldn't want a square pizza. Though, you can still give your reason(s) why round pizzas are superior as long as you don't come out seeming like round pizzas are the only way it should be.2. Keep in mind differing opinions -All of us have our own opinions and a lot of it may stem from how we grew up, what religion we are or what culture we live in. This ties in a little bit with the first tip about being objective. There are plenty of hot topics that have differing opinions ie cousin relationships, may/december relationships, age of consent situations, abortion, etc. With these, keep in mind that different places or sects of people may have differing opinions as well as laws on the book. It may be legal in Wammabaloo to have square pizzas but it may be illegal in Wizzago to have square pizzas. With these types of subjects, we need to be careful not to overstep our duties as Agony Aunts and start attacking each other because some people may feel that square pizzas are ok whereas you think square pizzas are disgusting and should be outlawed. Of course, there is no problem with stating your opinion and reasons why you might not like the square pizzas or why you like them, but as advice givers we need to choose our words carefully to not attack others who may be giving good advice even if it differs from what we may think is good advice.3. Do Not Attack - This goes towards two folds, a) we should definitely not attack the advice seeker nor should we attack others that are trying to help as well. Of course, there is no problem stating what is wrong with their situation or another advice givers advice, but do not use agressive or attacking words. Ie. Saying that "Making pizzas square is a stupid act and you should make them round" is agressive and is attacking while "I beg to differ that making square pizzas is a better solution. Round pizzas are a better method because..." is just offering a differing opinion and not being said in an attacking method. Attacking others does not lead to anything productive, it just digs others into their beliefs because they feel that they must defend themselves. You are most likely capable of helping and having others accept your point of view if you give them an option to accept yours or keep theirs or even adopt some of your ideas into their own. 4. Be sympathetic -Sometimes it is hard to understand how another is feeling, but sometimes all people are looking for is another person to give them sympathy or comfort. Of course, the tricky part is that they may need more than that, but if you lend them a hand of comfort then they may decide to heed some of your advice that comes along with it.5. Be Clear or clarify your advice -Finally, good advice needs to be clear and understandable. You cannot expect someone to heed any of your advice if they do not know how to follow it. ie. "Get a round pan to make a round pizza" might be decent advice, but if they do not know how to get the round pan, then it will be hard for them to follow through and make round pizzas. "Go to your local cooking supply store and ask them for a 16" round pan so you can make round pizzas" is clearer and then would put it on the shoulders of the advice seeker to follow-through on.Conclusion -Of course, these are some options to give good or better advice, but they only are my opinion on how to get there. You may have better solutions or have your own. Of course, if you want to add any or give your opinion on them, feel free to.
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reader, old-spinstah  +, writes (9 November 2009):
Good article tux. I'd also add that the "aunt" should read and re-read the question carefully before answering, taking note of the original poster's age, sex and country of origin. I've often noticed poor or incorrect advice being given because the aunt hasn't done this.
A guy aged 22-25 asked advice on how he could make the "first time" with his new girlfriend really special. He stated quite clearly that this was not the 1st time for either of them because they had both been in relationships before yet he was given a whole host of advice about the perils of losing his virginity and not pressuring his girlfriend until she was ready! (All good advice but not answering the question)
17 year old girls in the UK are severely berated by aunties from across the pond and told that their 20 year old boyfriends could go to jail for having slept with them when this is totally legal in the UK provided the boyfriend doesn't have a duty of care to the girl.
When medical advice is given aunts sometimes don't take into consideration that healthcare systems, treatments and medications often differ vastly between countries. No good telling us limeys to try Advil or Tylenol - they don't sell 'em here! Just as it wouldn't be helpful if I advised someone from the U.S to call NHS direct. (A very good reason why D.C is not the place for medical questions.)
Just a few thoughts
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