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How to get over ex-girlfriend

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 January 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 July 2009)
A male United States age 36-40, *eo Gallagher writes:

Hello, I know this question has been asked a million times, but I want to know how to get over my ex-girlfriend.

After being in a rocky relationship with her for nearly a year, she one day decided she wanted to stop being physical with me. This was very hard for me emotionally, but I loved her and didn't leave her. A month after she stopped being physical with me, she broke up with me and left me.

I cried hard for a couple months but eventually things got better.

But then, after four months, she called me out of the blue and wanted to get back together. I let her back into my life.

However, there was a catch. After she came back into my life for a few days, she went on vacation to Hawaii for four weeks.

So basically she goes off to Hawaii and expects me to cherish her while she is on the other side of the country.

A month later when she comes back from Hawaii, we try to make things better.

But of course a week later she leaves me again.

The HARDEST part of this whole thing is that I have no closure. A couple days after she left me, I called her to breakup with her officially (because I didn't want her to cheat on me). Her parting words to me were something like "Well, we tried. I will always love you."

We hung up, and this just made me upset. How could she say "we tried" when I barely saw her, she goes off to Hawaii, and doesn't even try to make things work. I feel like she never tried to come back or love me. She just wanted me to think about and obsess over her.

And the last thing she said was "I will always love you" which gives me no closure at all. I think this was a very manipulative and self-servicing statement she made. When you break-up with someone, aren't you supposed to say "We're done," or "I understand, it's time to move on" or even "Get lost, loser."

How to I move on from this very rocky relationship with this very selfish, manipulating woman?

View related questions: broke up, ex girlfriend, get back together, move on, my ex

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A male reader, lifelong United States +, writes (26 July 2009):

you know what my brother it aint that serious. my girl recently f*** me up i spent a few days crying lost a few pound and ect....she humiliated me and when i ask her for closer she brought a guy with her. rest asure i never bad mouth her all i said about her was what she use to say about her girlfriend whom was trashing me 2....woman are very vendictive and they always regret what they do overtime and also when i guy treat them like shit they think of you....just think of all their flaws and say to urself this b**** is not worth it...make urself feel good...ur justice is right aorund the corner..what comes around goes around....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009):

let me tell you right off, you're way better off without her. The very best thing you can do is be good to yourself and live well.

Closure doesn't come naturally. Don't wait for it. You'll end up waiting a long time.

Some people are so frightened over the possibility that they let the best thing get away, that they keep you on a string in case they don't find something better. Is that what you want? Would you even think about getting back with her knowing this?

Move on. I know it's tough. But you'll be better off in the long run, and never forget that.

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A male reader, Kepi United Kingdom +, writes (26 January 2009):

Kepi agony auntThe one thing that I found to help me get over my recent split was to get back into my work and develop some hobbies, I'm at the gym every day, and not only has it helped me get the frustration out of my system but its also toned my body :)

Keeping yourself busy will help stop you thinking abut what u had/lost etc, and will also show her that you can survive without her being around. Hook up with some friends, get out, you'll soon find that your social circle will increase and then you'll see that you don't need her around at all, you are enjoying yourself too much :)

Music is good to relax to, to let you unwind as are good movies, rent a few DVDs, get something with a bit of action, or similar so that u can change your mindset.

The BBC in the UK has a good series of articles about relatinships, breaking up etc, have a read, they might help as well: http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009):

Well 10 points to you at least you can see her for what she really is, people always give different advise on the subject, but I think that every person will deal with that in their own way, no matter how much advise they get, one thing you should focus on in order for you to get over her is, remember what she did and how that made you feel, think about the way she manipulated you, think about the hurt she caused when she walked out on you, now picture your dream girl, how is she what this woman is not, your dream relationship? Is that better than what you had with her? Don’t forget what she did to you no mater what she says, perhaps she came back to you out of guilt and since you then called her to break up with her, she doesn’t have anything to feel guilty about. Some people don’t understand the concept of a relationship or what it takes to make it work.

Good luck angel, I am sure that you will find a woman worthy of your love.

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